FaceTiming Llamas

Hey, llamas!!

So.  No, I have not been to a llama factory to meet llamas.  No, I do not know a farmer who looks after llamas.  So.  By llamas, I mean friends.  And by friends, I mean the idiots that should have been working (AHMAD, SHOYAB AND AJ!!!!!).

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you that my friends FaceTimed me.  Let me explain.

I've been off from college for a while because I haven't been feeling well and haven't been able to see my friends.  So.  For them to FaceTime me was really, really great.  I missed them.  Eugh.  I'm getting mushy.  Sorry, that's not what you come here for..... Actually, what DO you come here for?  I'd love to know - COMMENT PLEASE (those of you that aren't invested because you're family or friends, I know you guys come here to support me.) (thanks by the way).

ANYWAAAAY, I missed them.  And apparently they missed me.  It kinda shocked me due to the fact that I'd forgotten that I could have an impact on other people's lives.  And to have a big enough impact on them that they missed me made me really fuzzy on the inside.

Sometimes, I forget my own self worth.  And sometimes, people help me remember it.

Thank you, Ahmad.  I needed that.

I'm feeling better.  Partly because I was bored out of my mind and partly because my friends know how to cheer me up.  So.  Yay.

In other news, Raffi has grown, he's not really eating, he's 22.2kg, he's like, three times bigger than the rest of his litter and he can't follow instructions whereas, his brothers and sisters are being shown and winning awards. *disgruntled side eye emoji*

Okay, so, this post wasn't exactly a post.  It was more of a random thought/brain splat/I don't even know...  BUT I hope you enjoyed it, and please don't forget to let me know what the dislikes/likes you have and why the fuck you even come here.  Because I'd really like to know....

Shenaya xx

P.S.  What do you guys think about me starting a YouTube thingy and any ideas of what I would talk about?  Because I don't think this blog sounds as good out loud as it does in my head.  Most of the time it doesn't even make sense written down.

It's the time for giving...

Hey, llamas!!

So, it's the time of year where everyone is trying to find the perfect gifts for Christmas.... whether Christian or not... (it's a Pagan holiday, anyway).

Anyway, the inevitable struggle of what to get someone is the same struggle that we go through every year.  And, inevitably... mum and I give up and make edible gifts.  We like to fatten people up so we look thinner in the photos.

BUT.  Everyone likes to get a tangible gift that can be wrapped and opened on Christmas day from under the tree.  So what do you get people when you haven't got a big budget?  When they're the kind of people that don't want for anything or even need anything?

Option 1:  Make food!!! (It's our go to)

Try cakes and homemade chocolate treats.  These usually go down a storm and can be a thoughtful alternate to a stock present.  It's always fun to put a bit of a Christmas twist on classic sweet treats.  Can anyone say homemade Ferrero Rocher?  Peppermint bark?  Christmas cake (this can take preparation depending on your recipe)?

Option 2:  Mix and Match!!

For those special people that don't really do sweet things, you can always get inexpensive little gifts that can be put together to make an awesome present.  You can get some seriously good creams that are inexpensive and great for women.  Not to mention the gift sets that a lot of shops do.  And, don't forget that it doesn't HAVE to be brand name to be amazing.  For a lot of younger kids, or even teenagers, a gift voucher or stationery will put a light in their eyes!!  Trust me, star stickers are AWESOME.

Option 3:  Necessity!!

When all else fails, ask that difficult person what they need!!!  You can rarely go wrong with this gift as they're basically telling you what to get them.  Uni students will probably start hugging your leg and crying out of joy.  Also, not all necessities are expensive.  Sometimes, all someone needs is a duvet cover, or fancy cutlery, or maybe they just need a photo frame for that one picture they wanted to hang.

I hope this guide to 'WHAT DO I GET PEOPLE?!' has helped you.

Just remember that whatever you give as gifts this Christmas, the recipients know that it came from your hearts.

Shenaya xx

It's the butt end of 2015

Whassup, llamas!!

How's everyone doing?

So.  It kinda hit me that all of a sudden that it's nearly the end of 2015.... Can you believe it?  On the one hand, this year feels like it's gone extremely slowly but on the other hand, it feels like I haven't had enough time to do anything at all... Or maybe I'm just lazy and that's why I haven't gotten much done BUT nevertheless, I'm feeling rather reflective.  Don't we all tend to start feeling reflective in the closing of events?  Whether tragic or just a passage of time?

I'm not going to pretend that I remember every single tragedy that has happened over the last year.  Because that's a lie.  So, I'm sorry.

There've been so many losses  over the last year but I'm sure that there has also been numerous gains, both world wide and personally.

So, for those of you who have overcome adversity or are in the process of overcoming anything, well done.  You don't need my pride or approval but sometimes it helps.  So.  Well done.  Keep going because you're doing amazing.  You are amazing.  Don't let the nargles get you down  (okay, so you only know that reference if you're a Harry Potter fan (yes, terribly British of me)).  I've had to repeat these assurances to myself thousands of times over the last year, and find myself repeating it more recently as I've been piled up with work (I was ill for two weeks).

Okay, so this most doesn't make much sense.  I was trying to be profound and then realised that I'm not in the profound, soul searching mood today.  So that was a bust.  BUT my point is that we've all had a busy year, filled with happiness, sadness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, love, and satisfaction, and some of us still have another month of all this, while others have found the emotion that fits them.

I read somewhere that November was like the Thursday of the year.  And it's the last day of the month.  Does that mean that its like 11:59pm on a Thursday?  Because if so, it's the longest minute EVER.  I would've thought that November was like Friday or Saturday, right?  Because December is like the Sunday to January... right?  January is the start of a new year... just like Monday... right?  No?  Okay.  Shutting up now.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Raffi tried to french kiss my mum.

"Paint me like one of your French girls" (that's Ahmad btw)

I'm a whiny teenage girl.

Hola, llamas!!

So how's everyone doing?

I thought today's post could be more of me complaining and whining about my life, instead of thinking about the world's problems that I probably can't change.

So.  What's going on in my oh so terrible life?

1) I am ill.  Very ill.  Super ill.  And I will now commence in giving you disgusting details about the colour of my phlegm and how when I cough, I pee a little (it's gotten to that point in our relationship).  Okay, so I won't give you the details.  Because I am a lady - contrary to a lot of people's beliefs BUT I have the boobs to prove it (if you recall, they're kinda like small islands - they can probably be seen on Google Maps).  I was joking about the whole peeing thing, by the way (kinda).

Anyway, I'm ill and not getting better at all.  I've been ill for a week.  Since my birthday.  If I spent the 14th night with you, I BLAME YOU.  And my shit immune system.  But I REFUSE TO ADMIT GUILT because I'm stubborn like that.

Mum says when I'm ill, I become like a man.  I complain.  I act like a weakling.  I EXPECT YOU TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME.  I'm a mean invalid (yes, I called myself an invalid - my mother is right, I act like a man).  Speaking of my mother, she's ill as well.  Yay.  Oh, and so is my grandma.  And they both blame me.  But like I said, I refuse to admit guilt.

2) I'm supposed to be starting a new job - well, work experience BUT things keep getting in the way... Like ME BEING ILL and then I have some stupid college trip on the day I'm supposed to be starting and I don't know what to do because apparently it's compulsory but there isn't much point in me going.  The point of the trip is to network and find people in our chosen field of business for future contacts, but if that's the whole point of my work experience, wouldn't it be better to go there and get the real life experience as well?  I DON'T KNOW.  Those of you that know me, know that I don't like missing college, I don't like having to catch up and I DO NOT play hooky.  At least not consciously.  So.  DILEMMA.  Oh and I've got so many bloody routine hospital check ups and appointments for various ailments (there's a loooooonnnnnnngggggggg list), that there probably isn't even much point in starting this work experience.

3) Problem 3: So.  Because I'M ILL, I haven't made it into college for a week.  So I'm playing catch up.  And I have an assignment in for Wednesday.  That I don't know how to do.  And I can't go into college to ask teachers.  Because I'M ILL.  I can't even get notes.  This is going well.

4) I can't eat.  You know when you have so much phlegm that you start to throw it up?  Yeah.  The only thing I'm properly keeping down is most possibly the most British thing ever; tea.  I'm really starting to miss solid foods.  And water.  I didn't think I would miss water.  But, here I am.  Missing water.  Missing the food wasn't such a shock.  I miss food even when I'm eating.

So, llamas.  This was my whiny post.  Because that's the mood I'm in.  And you know what they say, misery loves company.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Don't worry, the Internet can't send my germs to you.

P.P.S.  This was a super awkward photo to take.  And I can't remember if I've already posted this.

Heavy Hearts

Hey, llamas!

THIS POST MAY OFFEND OTHERS.  I APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE AS THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION.  FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME BUT I WOULD PREFER NO RUDE OR MALICIOUS COMMENTS.

So.  No doubt you've been following all the stuff going on around the world.  Most notably at the moment, Paris.  While this blog's not known for serious matters.  I thought this should be mentioned.

Friday 13th.  Paris was not the only place attacked.  So many people lost their lives.  So many lost loved ones.

And I have one question.  Was it worth it?  Was all that suffering worth 'the cause'?  Because I'm not even sure what 'the cause' is.  I'm not sure I ever knew.  And I feel dirty just thinking about the words "allahu akbar" (I'm so sorry if I spelt that wrong) and it SHOULDN'T be that way, but those words have become something of a 'symbol' (I use that word VERY lightly) to ISIS or ISIL or whatever the fuck they are.  And I may not be Islamic, or have the right to say these things, but I'm pretty sure those words were not meant to be used like that.

Not all Muslims are terrorists.  Are there to hurt people.  My Islamic friends are often the most peaceful people I know.  They don't condone the actions that have happened around the world.  I doubt that most Muslims do.  I saw a statistic somewhere that said there are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world, 0.03% of these Muslims are terrorists.  If all Muslims wanted everyone dead, we would all be dead.  And did you know that Muslim terror attacks only take up 2% of the world's terrorist plots and actions?

I've heard countless stories of unprovoked attacks on Muslim people (women especially) and I ask "what if you had been attacked simply because of what you wore?  Or the faith you choose (or choose not) to follow?".  You could argue the point that that is exactly what happens when these terrorists attack, but then I have to know, what makes you any better than them?  No, you're not using bombs.  BUT.  You are attacking someone simply because of faith.  Is that not exactly what they are doing?  You are spreading terror into the PEACEFUL parts of the Muslim community.

I have a friend that is strictly atheist and he's not shy about telling people what's wrong with religion.  That doesn't bother me.  I'm Christian but sometimes I agree with him.  BUT what does bother me, is that he says that without religion, we wouldn't have terrorists.  I'm not trying to pick a fight with him.  I know he could probably argue circles around me, I'm talking from the heart spontaneously and he's probably got years of arguments planned out.  So, what am I saying?  I'm saying that I think that's wrong.  We would still have wars and terrorists.  They just wouldn't be carried out in the name of God.  They'd be carried out in the name of freedom or whatever.  So maybe it isn't the religions we should get rid of, maybe we just need to be more tolerant to different ways of life.  That's not really the right way of saying it, but I can't really explain.  Religion can give people something to believe in.  Something to hope in.  So.  This is a quote from a TV programme but I figured it was appropriate, "If you think too hard on anything, you can poke holes in it.  Sometimes you just have to believe and hope" (I may have paraphrased quite a bit - you get the idea).

From reading this, you could say that I have a warped perception of what's been going on, or maybe I'm just downright wrong.  But, this is the way I see it.  Not particularly sophisticated.  Probably not accurate.  But.  From my heavy heart.

Shenaya xx

P.S.  World War I and World War II both started like this.  Am I the only one scared?

Oxford, Oxford Circus and Llama Birthday

Hey, llamas!

So.  Lots of things going on since I last posted.

Remember when I was talking about personal statements and UCAS? Yeah... my personal statement is too long.  And I can't cut it down.  WHO HAS A PERSONAL STATEMENT THAT IS TOO LONG?! Me, apparently.  So, I have to sort this out.

I went to Oxford University to visit Jenna (my awkward moose/midnightteablogs) who's studying at Lincoln College.  We went to see S Club at this AWESOME club that has so many names but everyone calls it Park End.  It was pretty amazing.  I was kinda disappointed at the fact that S Club only did three songs, and they were supposed to do a meet and greet but we didn't get told when/what room (the club had multiple rooms - we were on the Cheese Floor) it would be in - unless you constantly checked Facebook, so we missed it.  But that was okay because we had fun dancing and drinking and eating fries and curry sauce from Hassan's.  Seriously.  YUM.  Those of you in Oxford, if you haven't gone to Hassan's, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  Anyway, it was great to catch up with Jenna, since I hadn't seen her in about a month and a half (which is long for us, okaaayyy?).

I had to take the Oxford Tube up to Oxford and then back again.  Contrary to people's beliefs, the Oxford Tube is not a tube but a coach.  Yup.  That confused me too.  On my way to Oxford, I couldn't find the bus stop.  I mean why can't they have clearly sign posted bus stops? Noooooo... let's just leave people to flounder.  Then on the way back, neither Jenna nor I could find the bus stop.... Partly because we were on the wrong road..... *Insert embarrassed face*.....  Once I was actually on the coach back to London, there was this little kid, maybe about three or four years old, who was singing at the top of her lungs and was as high pitched as a dog whistle (except I could still hear her).  This makes me sound like I hate kids... and I don't exactly hate them... I don't particularly like them either but imagine that you might be slightly hungover?  Or just really tired?  Aaannnnndddddd yup.

So, yesterday, all my friends came down from uni to see me and each other so we could celebrate my birthday (IT'S TODAY, I'M 19!!!).  We went to this place on Great Portland Street in Oxford Circus called The London Cocktail Club and it's kinda grungy/dive bar-ish but it's pretty cool, and you have to go down these dark stairs to get into the club.  They've got good drinks - even if they are pretty expensive (probably average prices for the middle of London) - but don't go looking for the usual alcohol and mixers, they don't tend do those (well, they have the usual alcohol but they don't so simple drinks).  They don't have a dance floor but they encourage you to dance at your table (if you can find one) and they play mostly old school music from all sorts of genres, so LCC is right up my alley.  I loved it.  And I loved catching up with my friends.  Ahmad wins for coolest, capturing my inner soul essence present.  Sorry, guys.  Shoyab, I was wearing your present so you can't say a word.  But, I have to thank all my friends because you guys are awesome and I've missed you all so much.  And I can't wait for Christmas when you're back here, and saving me from Krupa.  Joking.  Probably.

Here's some photos:

Oxford:

Birthday Celebration:

And when my photo of the awesomest present ever actually uploads (curse you, Apple), I will show the llamas of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or, you know, you guys.

So, llamas, that's pretty much been my week.  How about yours?

Shenaya xx

What do I do with myself?

'Sup, llamas!!

Howz yooz doin'?  *to be read in a bad New York Bronx accent* (by that I mean my bad accent - I tend to either sound Irish, Scottish or Australian....)

So.  I trust that my follower llamas are all well?  If not, I'm sorry to hear that and please read this because I find that this can help with a lot of situations.....  (I once again turn to my trusty, fellow crazy people from Buzzfeed).

Anyway, title.  Well.  Nothing explicit if that's what you're thinking, my dirty minded little llamas.  I've got no work and I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND.  However, it has given me a chance to binge watch Netflix, do some UCAS stuff and become a chew toy for Raffi.

Let's start with Raffi.  He's getting his adult teeth in (did I mention this before? I can't remember) so he's really, really chewy - add in that he's puppy hyper anyway AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDDDD we get injured in the process.

Although, we did take him for a group walk with others of his breed and the breeder we got him from and some of his uncles and he's already nearly as big as them... and he was so excited!! So were we until we got into hour one and a half, we then realised that we weren't even half way - we were told it would be a leisurely amble for about two hours.  It was two and a half hours UP HILL and it was not leisurely.  Or an amble.  I was having flashbacks to Duke of Edinburgh Award... SO MUCH WOODLAND, WHERE IS CIVILISATION?!  Those of you that either went with me on D of E or have heard the stories know my pain.  Oh!! And did I mention that RAFFI IS A PAEDOPHILE.  There were a couple of 9 week old puppies there - Raffi is 18 weeks - and one unfortunate little girl was being humped.  By none other than - you guessed it - Raffi.  Eugh.  He has a thing about small female dogs.  It's becoming a little bit of a problem considering Raffi is now 16.6kg....

Anyway, back to keeping myself occupied.  UCAS.  IT IS SO BLOODY CONFUSING.  I mean really.  It should not be this hard to apply to university.  Just trying to fill in this stupid thing is making me consider going straight into an apprenticeship or work.  I mean, HOW MANY VARIATIONS OF THE SAME QUALIFICATION CAN YOU HAVE?!  I mean.. GCSEs.  Simple, right? WRONG.  Did you know that there are different types of GCSEs and then there are subcategories within categories? Because I didn't.  And you can't just fill in "BTEC" and then the subject and level - nooooOOOOOOooooo, that makes it too easy... let's make people fill in each unit they did or will do and their grades as well.  Thanks, UCAS.  Thanks so much.  I am having so much fun.  Can you tell?

On the plus side, my personal statement is gonna be bangin'.  Did I use that in the right context?  I ain't no roadman, aight?  Okay, I'm stopping now.  I apologise to my follower llamas, especially Shoyab, because I can just see your cringe face in my head.

Soooo....Netflix.  The internet temple for anyone who binge watches shows, likes movies, and is basically too lazy to shower, get out of bed and can fester in their stink for anywhere from two days to a week (okay, I need to clarify that I DO NOT do this, or at least, will not admit to it).  It's also where the term "Netflix and Chill" came from and I can safely say that I have never done that unless sitting alone and chilling with my teddy bear while watching New Girl counts.  No.  I do not try to have whatever you do for the "chill" part with my teddy bear *shudders at the thought of what that means*.

Well, what am I watching on Netflix at the moment?  You see, I have a way of streaming the US Netflix (and other countries) to the UK - specifically to my laptop. I tend to use the US version (or the Canadian version because they had Young Justice and I'm a superhero nerd) just because they have a wider range of series and movies, not only that, but they release stuff earlier on the US Netflix... The only problem being that I can't watch some movies because they're streamed on DVD.  So.  What am I watching at the moment?  Jane The Virgin.  That's what I'm watching.  It's kinda like a mock telenovela.  Probably more for the girls - which I don't usually say when it comes to my TV programmes and movies - but it has some good humour in it and I just have to say to the girls out there... Google "Justin Baldoni" and then look at those abs.  Seriously.  I do not often say that abs are lickable.. BUT.  Oh and did I mention he's a DILF.  Yeah.  So definitely a programme I would recommend.  Oh!! And I mean, if you want some classic science fiction - FIREFLY IS BAE.  I mean, you can't get much better than Nathan Fillion as Captain Malcolm Reynolds.  Don't judge me.  It's definitely more old school so the CGI and visual effects aren't as good but there's humour, fighting, a little bit of romance and well, aliens.  It's a cult.  Do not mess with the Firefly family.  Seriously.  We have connections.  I think.  Probably.  Maybe.  Just don't mess with us.

I think that's enough of my ramblings for today.  So, stay safe llamas.

Shenaya xx

P.S. if you want US Netflix - on Google Chrome, go to settings, extensions, get more extensions, and then search "Hola" or "Hola Better Internet" and install it.   It's a good site, so don't worry about viruses or anything - yes, you're taking advice from a strange 18 (nearly 19) year old girl (woman) on the internet.

I'm BaaAAAAaaaacKKKKKKKK

'Sup, Zzamas!!

First of all, see what I did there? eh? eh? (In case you didn't get that - zombies + llama = zzamas) (it's bad, I know but it's nearly All Hallow's Eve, or for the common folk out there, HALLOWEEN BITCHES).

Anyway, hey there.  I'm back from my worldly travels to Oxfordshire, and if I do say so myself, I feel very well journeyed - I'm practically an expert at going to the furthest most places in the world (that was another joke if you didn't get the sarcasm - read my last post to understand :D).

It was great!! But you know those holidays that you come back from and feel like you need to sleep for a week?  It was one of those... ALTHOUGH, I did get to satisfy the history nerd in me.  There's an English Heritage site literally down the road from the hotel and OH MY GOD you can just feel the history seeping into your bones, it was an old manor house - I say 'was' because now it's just ruins.  Those of you that know me, have either gotten an excited, barely coherent jumble of words about some part of history that I'm interested in or if you haven't, you probably will get one soon.  So.  I shall stop talking, lest I bore you all to death with something that you've got to actually be there to experience.  Oh and if the whole dog friendly, history soaked place doesn't convince you, THERE ARE DONKEYS AT THE ENGLISH HERITAGE SITE and there's an awesome river - and I don't say that lightly if you recall the earlier post about my fears....

There's this little place a bit of a ways down the river with little stepping stones and TREE SWINGS.  Those were fun.  But most of the river is deep, murky and fast moving.  Apparently there are fish.  I wasn't going to get close enough to find out.  Anyway, I was so proud of myself. Why?  Because not only did I stand on the stepping stones, BUT I crossed TWO bridges.  I repeat. TWO BRIDGES.  That's a big deal for me.  So haters, go suck something rude (yeah, yeah, I know, I censored myself... I'm trying to cut down how much I swear or say crude/dirty things, okay fuckers?).

Here's some photos of the little bit that I so eloquently described:

And here are a few photos of the English Heritage site because I like to torture people with my jumbled enthusiastic history stuff:

OH!! And completely unrelated to my holiday, I AM FIVE DAYS AHEAD OF MY COURSEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means, that I am up to date with my work and have nothing to do for a while :D I am so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you couldn't tell.

Anyway,  I hope you zzamas are doing some fun shit for Halloween, because I am not.  I am running errands and then probably watching Netflix - no, I will not be watching anything scary.  So.  Do something fun for me, for I am living vicariously through you.  And, I am wearing a Halloween costume in my head - something pop culture-ish yet sexy.  So.  Yeah.  Have fun.  Don't die.  Okay, my concern ends there.

Happy Halloween and may the Grim Reaper give you his scythe to open envelopes.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Master gave Dobby a sock, Dobby is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (from work) (for now).

The Old Swan and Minster Mill

Hola, llamas!!

So mum and I went on a little break to Oxfordshire (it's literally an hour and a half away from home).  And WE TOOK THE DOG.  We're staying in a dog friendly hotel so that's pretty cool!!!

The dress code in the restaurant is smart casual so mum and I decided we were going to make doggy bow ties and tie bandanas round Raffi's neck.  So.  We did.  I am so proud of myself.  Imma sell them for £5 each if anyone is actually interested.. Hit me up (figuratively - please don't hit me the next time you see me).

Here's the three I've made:

And a photo of Raffi in a bandana:

Anyway, hotel. It's called The Old Swan and Minster Mill.  Here's a few facts:

1) Winston Churchill came here for his honeymoon.

2) The hotel sits on 65 acres of land.

3) It was built circa 1445.

4) The is barely any service/internet.

Don't worry if you don't hear from me!!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. Here's a few photos of Raffi on the bed.

And an awful one of all of us where you can pretty much only see my boobs in a bright red t-shirt *insert disgruntled look here* #bigboobproblems

I FUCKED UP. (kinda) NO, I DEFINITELY FUCKED UP.

Hey, llamas!

Guess who is the worst friend in the world?! In case you didn't get that, it's me.

So I snapped at a friend today.  Pretty badly.  And they stopped responding to me at all.  Sure, they may have other stuff to do today and they aren't ignoring me on purpose but that doesn't mean that I haven't been horrible and awful and a bitch.

It turns out, their whatsapp stopped working, and they're not angry with me or anything.  So.  THANK YOU GOD.  Because, I physically feel sick when I upset my friends.  I guess it doesn't help when I'm already stressed out and tired and meh.  I don't even have a conscious reason for being a bitch - my friends probably have theories.  Oh, and it's half term... so..? *insert shrugging face emoji* WHY AM I STRESSED?!

Anyway, I realised that I take all my friends for granted.  So.  To all of you reading this, whether you're my internet llamas, or my real life llamas that put up with all my shit.  Thank you.  Thank you for being my friend. For always being there.  For picking me up when I am down and if that doesn't work, lying down with me and keeping me company because everyone knows that misery loves company.  Thank you for being as crazy as me and for NOT being as crazy as me, and thank you for helping me push towards success, rather than letting me be complacent in myself and letting me coast through life.  So. THANK YOU.  Because you guys keep me from being locked up in a mental ward.

So, if you're reading this, even though I can be the worst friend in the world, thank you for forgiving me.  And thank you for understanding, even when I don't.  Love you (in a friend way *rolls eyes*).  Raffi loves you more than me though.

Well.  Llamas, it's been fun... It really hasn't because I still kinda feel like crying and I don't know why.... But thanks for reading.  Even if it doesn't make sense.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here are some photos that are all artsy and autumny (I am aware that is not a word).

Ok, so my laptop hasn't downloaded them from my phone... Once again, I THANK YOU APPLE, DAMMIT IF THIS WAS SAMSUNG....OR WINDOWS.... (I don't mean that my beautiful electronics - please don't take revenge).

Life Got In The Way.

Hey, llamas!

So sorry that I haven't been posting!!  Life kept getting in the way, and I've had crazy moods and eugh.

Anyway, what's up?  How's everybody doing?  I've been crazy busy with college and work and dog and friends and everything!!

On the plus side, I finished a seriously long assignment 3 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you that know my work habits, that's the earliest I have ever had a piece of work done.  And now I have three more assignments to do.  So.  You probably won't hear from me for at least 4 years.

I mean, why do we get to an age where they just  pile more and more and more work on us until we retire or die?  Is this the kind of society we live in?  That everyone just works until they die?  What happened to laissez les bon temps rouler?  (Google it if you have no idea what it means, or if you're one of the linguists in my life, work it out bitches!!)   Or even carpe diem?  BUT I guess c'est la vie!!  But can we not just 'live long and prosper'? (In life, not money (well maybe money)).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm tired.  I couldn't tell you why.  I can tell you what of, though.  Life.

Life.  You ever have those moods where it's not like you want to off yourself or anything...?  More like, I need to take a nap for a thousand years and not think about anything and live in my fantasy dream world where I am Peggy Carter and Captain America and I ACTUALLY get together, and Bucky stays that cocky jerk that you just can't help but love, and you just want to live with them and not deal with life?  Yeah, one of those moods.  I guess I'm just tired.  Very tired.

So more updates on my life:

1) Raffi won his competition at his last puppy socialisation class, and he got a Halloween bowtie and a certificate and a rosette!!!

He wouldn't sit still for me to take the photo if you're wondering why his head is blurry (it is NOT my photography skills).  This picture also features my mum's legs and one of Raffi's favourite toys, which I have just now decided to call Marvin.  Don't ask.  It just popped into my head.  So enjoy Raffi ft. Marvin and DJ MLegs.

2) I most definitely have to get tested for dyslexia.  Mum got me to do some weird yes/no question/answer thing.  She goes "yes' on your left hand and no's on your right", my immediate response to those instructions was "what.".  So.  That started off well.  Not.  It kinda just went downhill from there.

OH, and do you know what?  Just because somebody doesn't understand things as fast as you, or has difficulty saying things in the right order, or saying the right word or is slower to get a sentence out, or is generally having any trouble with words or writing or understanding the work, DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE RETARDED OR STUPID OR DUMB OR AN IDIOT.  Guilty, I have used those words when talking to my friends, but I have never not once, used it in conjunction with someone having difficulty.  And it really hit home when someone said to me that I was "such a retard" just because I couldn't get the right word out of my mouth.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!  I am FUCKING SMART.  I am HELLA AWESOME.  And do you know what else, I WILL be looking down on you when I become successful and you stay in your mediocre job because your personality will keep you there.  So.  Don't EVER think it is alright to accuse someone of being less than they are, to be a jerk and make someone else feel bad about themselves JUST because you don't think they're as 'smart' as you.  YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.  And they won't either, if people like you keep putting them down.

3) My hand eye coordination is abysmal (I nearly wrote abissmel and mum said it sounded like a terrorist cell name - oops.), anyway, a friend of mine stabbed me in the hand with a sharp pencil today (by accident) (I hope).  And as I was waving my hand around trying to get rid of the pain as demonstrated below, I hit myself in the face.

Yeah, sorry for the face.  And you will be pleased to know, I not only whacked myself in the face again but my mum was trying to work out why I was flapping my hand about in front of the laptop.  Anyway,  I have also fallen over a chair today, dropped hot tea on myself AND I nearly dislodged an interactive whiteboard from the wall with my butt when I went up to ask a teacher for help.  So.  Hand eye coordination AND spacial awareness have taken a holiday.

Thanks for reading guys!! And sorry about the mini rant!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. Mum I love you for supporting me even when I'm flapping at a webcam.

This Llama Is Growing Up

Yo, llamas!

First off, here's a proper photo of Shoyab for you feat. the little cutie that is his cousin, who I just want to squish.

So.  Blog title.  I went to visit a uni yesterday.  University College Birmingham.  No, it's not Birmingham University or University of Birmingham or Birmingham College or Aston or whatever.

I hadn't realised how much you have to think about when you look for universities.  I mean, there was the course (obviously), the accommodation, the location, the finance - how much is the course? How much is accommodation?  (How far away is the accommodation to the uni?)  What loans can I get?  What grants can I get?  AND how much support can I get from the uni?  What extracurriculars do they have?  Is this the atmosphere I think I can thrive in?  Can I definitely get the grades that are wanted?

It doesn't help when the course you want to do has lots of practical work and you have joint problems....  I want to do Bakery and Confectionary Technology... so, cake, bread and chocolate PLUS the food science-y bit and commercial baking as well as artisan and so much more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm quite excited if you hadn't realised...

Anyway, when you have joint problems, you can potentially get a disability grant, this means that I get extra money to help with transport and any specialist equipment I might need.

There is also a disability grant if you are dyslexic (mum thinks that I am).  This basically means that you have trouble with letters, numbers, left/right, and instructions and much more...  I might also be discalculic.  This is basically dyslexia for numbers.  AND dyspraxia ties into all of it (you can research this shit, because my head fucking hurts).  Anyway, I show the signs for these and they all tie into each other and it's getting worse so I need to get tested so that i can do my work to the best of my ability - this also allows me to have extra support in uni, such as, a scribe or extra time in exams or a dictaphone.

So. Lots of things to think about.

After the uni visit, I met up with my Muslim sister from another mister (and mother) and I really missed her.  REALLY.  But it's like we were never  apart.  SHOUTOUT TO IMAN FOR THE AMAZINGNESS OF HER PERSONALITY.  The smart whacko is studying at Aston University so it was nice to see her after more than a month.

When we got back to London this afternoon, we took Raffi for a walk.  We go to Rickmansworth Aquadrome and it's really nice BUT we walked a lot longer than we thought we would (lots of woodland paths, reservoirs, canals, lakes and rivers - remember when I said I was afraid of water?), anyway, they have this cafe called Cafe in the Park.  It's run by a former Jamie Oliver dude who worked at Fifteen (I think).  AND OHMIGOD IT IS SO GOOD.

Here's a photo of food we had the last time we went.

Anyway, Raffi decided to run a bit and I tripped, landed in a hole and have damaged my ankle, then he kept running and ran in front of me, so in order to not kill both of us, I put more pressure on my injured ankle, so now I am in serious pain.  Well done, Shenaya.

Now I sit here eating a bag of Hula Hoops and hiccuping while REFUSING TO STOP EATING.  Because this shows you how ready I am to adult.  I AM NOT READY TO ADULT.  LLAMAS.  I REPEAT.  I AM NOT READY TO ADULT.

So llamas, any tips for going through all the application processes for uni?  I'd greatly appreciate it.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here's a recent of Raffi.

That's me, by the way - I'm 5'3".

Little Bit A' Sunshine

Hiya, llamas!

So today's post....

I thought I'd keep it (try and keep it) upbeat!! So.  I have a couple of videos that are funny/weird/relate to me waaaaayyyyyy to much.

Firstly, I should mention that my mum calls me a T-Rex because I have short ass arms (no, you can't see the difference).  I'm still in proportion and everything... until I try to reach for something.  I have been known to get out of the car at particularly annoying ticket barriers to be able to reach.  I have also been known to fall off chairs, climb things and nearly light my boobs and my hair on fire to try and reach across tables, up to chairs and things that are on the surface next to me.  Short arms and laziness are not a good combination.

That is why this video speaks to me... although I will never be this fit.

Secondly, I am kinda a big Harry Potter fan... as in I own several wands, have robes, an account on Pottermore, own all the DVDs and books, have been on the studio tour at Christmas and have been to the theme park at Universal Studios in Orlando, and know the plot lines pretty much off by heart (movie and book).  So you could say I'm a big fan...  I probably have done/know more but I can't remember.  And DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNER IN THE GREAT HALL?!

So for the fellow witches and wizards out there, enjoy this.

One more video for you... because everyone relates to this at some point.

And finally a photo, because I will be a struggling local business owner soon.

Hope this made you smile, follower llamas!!

Shenaya xx

Tricky Situations..

Hey, llamas!

Life is a fickle bitch.

Ever have those days that from the get go, EVERYTHING is overwhelming? And it feels like someone is pushing down on the top of your head try to drown you in quick sand?  I'm sorta feeling like that.

It started this morning when I woke up late because I switched my alarm off (for the fourth day in a row).  I then proceeded to get every one of my daily routines wrong (I have to do it in a certain order - don't ask) and I burst out crying (quietly) in the back of the taxi that takes me to college.  By the time I got to college, I felt like crap and then proceeded to want to get the group work done (SHOYAB AND KRUPA) and of course, it was not done.  We then all realised we had work that had to be done for the afternoon and only had about half an hour for lunch.  We then had an afternoon lesson where the teacher kept asking to evaluate ourselves... ummm.... I'm lazy, unmotivated and have so many quirks that I could make at least a hundred men look like they're smirking.  So.  Fun. And, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ASK IF YOU'RE OKAY IF YOU'RE QUIETER THAN NORMAL?!  Quite seriously though, for those of you who read my blog, thank you for caring.  For making sure that I'm alright.  You have no idea how much that means to me, so.  Thank you.

I was relatively okay for most of the afternoon (apart from me feeling like crap) until I realised I had course work in for 8pm - I got it in with 14 minutes to spare!!  Woot woot!!!  AND THEN DRAMA HAPPENED (as always with me).  Two of my friends got in a fight (verbal) not too big of a deal except for the fact that one of them fluctuates moods and the other is a sensitive teddy bear on the inside.  They're both admitting it was a stupid argument but I can't work out if they're pissed off or upset or what.... so huh.

That's pretty much my day for you...

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE....

Not about my day but just some thoughts in general...

Remember when I used that coffee olive oil sugar scrub thing? Yeah, don't put it on your face... that photo I uploaded with the moustache made me red and bumpy and itchy.  So.  Bad idea.

You llamas seem to read everything about me and my whiny self.  Kinda like a confidante.  My mum is my other confidante, she knows pretty much everything about me.  And I do mean EVERYTHING.  She always helps.  I recently had a friend tell us that we were almost identical in our movements and mannerisms, so much so, that it scared her.  That's how close we are.

Now, I have a question for you.  Who is your confidante?  A family member? A friend?  Or do you have a therapist/counsellor/psychotherapist/psychologist? Because it's not anything to be ashamed of.  I had one, and look at me.  I'm fine.  Right, that's why i'm writing this blog..... because I'm fine. SuuuuUUUUUuuuurrrrreeeeeeee.

If you don't have a confidante, and you need one, drop me a line in the comments or, I don't know if you can see my email address anywhere on your screen, but you can email me there... and put "FOLLOWER LLAMA: PROBLEM" in the subject line.

Aaannnnndddddd I think I'm done not making sense today.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here's a few odd pictures for you!!

So this is Krupa, she doesn't like her torso being touched... and I hugged her.

This weird, sexy thing is Ahmad.  He's wearing a cape blanket thing... and lets us put mascara on him.  He puts up with so much shit from us.

And the sexy man in the background is ShoyShoy (Shoyab).  My computer hasn't uploaded any good photos of him (I'll upload it when it transfers from my phone to the computer)... CURSE YOU APPLE, WORK PROPERLY!!!!!

Feeling Helpless.... Random Thought #3

Hey there, llamas!

Bit of a depressing (reeeeaaalllllllyyyyyy bad pun if you read on) random thought today...

What do you do when a friend is feeling low, but they don't want your help?  And I don't mean a little upset... I mean full on low.  What do you do?  How can you help?

I don't often feel helpless, but when I do, I don't like it.  I try to rectify the feeling as much as possible, as quickly as possible.  But it doesn't seem to be happening this time.  Because this time, it involves someone else, a friend.  Not someone I can offend if I need to in order to forget the feeling of helplessness, not a complete stranger, but a friend.  So.  I repeat, what do you do when a friend is in a really dark place, but doesn't want your help?  Doesn't think they need it?  What do you do?  How can you help?

And on a more personal level, how can you help yourself?  How do you stop from sliding into that dark place with them?  How do you keep the big, jagged, black rock from growing and crushing you?  The huge, poisonous, black cloud from choking you?  Because I've been there, and I don't want to go back.  Ever.

So.  Once again, I repeat, what do you do?  How can you help?

This friend of mine doesn't want help.  But I'm worried.  They don't realise how much I understand.  They don't realise what it can do to them.  What that darkness can do if they let it get too far.  But they won't listen.  And it's up to them.  After all, how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

I just wish that they could understand.  But they don't.  And I know they're stubborn enough not to.

If you're reading this, I love you.  Thought you might need to hear that.

Shenaya xx

Friendly Llamas, Pot Brownies, Dogs and Disney

Yo, llamas!!

How are you, my little (and big (that's for you Shoyab)) follower llamas?

So what's up with the title...

Well, the college llamas have been hanging out.  We've had fun.  Most of the class is on report and has to get everything signed.  But, we have fun.

The college crew (all 4 of us) hung out with Raffi at lunch time yesterday.  "How?" You ask.  We have a half day and mum picked me up.  So.  We spent over an hour just standing outside college, stroking a dog and chatting.  Just casually.  You know how we do.  AND I didn't know that AHMAD WAS AFRAID OF DOGS.  SO SORRY DUDE.

So.  Today I brought in brownies to college and WHAT IS UP WITH YOU ALL ASKING IF THERE WAS POT/WEED IN THEM?!  Who EXACTLY do you think I am?  Seriously.

But, I'm glad you guys liked them.  Even if I messed up the recipe.  I didn't tell you this and you can't claim that they weren't nice because I didn't tell you before so HA.  The recipe I used (and always use) is Nigella Lawson's but mum and I tweak it a little.  But I'm not telling you how (a girl's gotta have some secrets, right?).  By the way, there are two recipes.  I'd love to hear about any recipes that you guys use/attempted/made your own.  If something hasn't worked for you, I'd love to see if I could get it to work!!!!

It was cool hanging with my little druggy llamas though (side note: none of us were ACTUALLY doing anything drug related), you guys just kinda manage to get me on a deep deep deep deep level - like the fact that you don't even bat an eyelid when I make an odd sound or proclaim that I will murder someone.  You get me.  So thanks.

So does this cover the friends and dogs? No.  Well, Raffi chew up the box that my XBOX was in.  So thanks for that, dog.  I also have fresh holes in my clothes.  So yay.  Not.  Oh!! And we've started walking Raffi in the morning and evening; the little bugger is supposed to tire out, but does he do this? NooooOOOOOoooooo.  Of course not.  I'm open to suggestions on how we could tire him out (preferable without us tiring out too).

We now come to the Disney portion of today's blog.  There's this new show/movie? (I've only seen the movie but apparently there's a series?) called Descendants.  And if you're like me and look for the brain numbing affects of children's TV, then it was pretty good.  It's about the Disney villains' children.  They dress all edgy like it's Halloween everyday.  And now I want to go to Disney for Halloween, because IT IS AWESOME.  I'm starting to catch the Halloween fever, but England just doesn't seem to celebrate it.  Which makes me sad.  Because I like dressing up and hanging out and I want to have a PROPER Halloween party this year, but my house is definitely not big enough PLUS I have a £0 budget to work with.

Anyway, end of my blog post today.

Shenaya xx

P.S.  Follower llamas - leave me a comment if you'd like to hear about any of my weird craft ideas or baking or ANYTHING you'd like me to talk about/help with/review.

Random Thought #2

Whassup, llamas?

So.  I know writing two blog post this close together isn't particularly common for me at the moment.  BUT.  FEAR NOT, for I have another random thought post!!

"So what is this random thought?", you ask.  Well.  I write about my life, but you guys don't really KNOW me.  Do you?  Feel free to say "yes, we do!  We know the real you!".  I'm pretty sure that might be a song?  *Now you can know the real meeeee* (I'm ashamed to say that I think it's a song from a Disney movie.. A TV MOVIE *GASP*).

Anyway.  I thought I would share something that basically sums me up.  And as usual, Buzzfeed is my inner spirit.  So check out Jess from New Girl because for some reason I feel like this might be me when I am twenty something and living with a bunch of men.  Except for Taylor Swift.  Sorry.  She's like the mean girl that only I can see the meanness in...

This is a really short post but this is because Jess speaks for me.

Shenaya xx

(OUT *drops mic and walks a way*)

The Lifes and Deaths of a Mentally Disturbed Llama

Helloooo, llamas!!

WARNING: This post will contain MY religious views and opinions.  There is most likely going to be swearing.

Before we start, I should probably mention that no one has died.  Yet.  It's a possibility.  That was a joke.  I think.  Well.  Probably.

It came to my attention that I have lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of quirks and idiosyncrasies (was that right? Did I use it in the right context? I don't knowwwww).  Anyway, I have some weird and unexplainable fears and superstitions.  I am convinced that they are a product of past lives.

Now, those of you that know me well enough, know that I'm Anglican Christian BUT you will also know that I am probably one of the worst Christians ever.  Well, maybe not worst.  I haven't murdered anyone yet.

However, even though the Devil may welcome me to Hell with open arms and then realise he made a horrible mistake by letting me sit in his seat (I ain't getting up - that shit is comfy), I do mostly believe in a core fundamental of Christianity - love (which is probably why I don't know how to butt out of my friend's problems).  Although, I do take a lot of beliefs from other religions, such as reincarnation, and the idea that there could be more than one god (imagine a bunch of elderly beings sitting around a poker table arguing with each other (I know gambling is a sin but I never actually said they were playing poker)).

Back to reincarnations.  Basically, I had past lives.  Lots, if the list of fears and oddities are any indication.  I mean, I have an irrational fear of ALL natural water, and I don't even go in the deep end of a swimming pool if I can help it.  I can swim.  That's not the problem.  So.  Being me, I decided I must have drowned in a former life.  It's entirely possible.  Right?  I mean how else do I explain it?  Oh, and did I mention that lakes, canals and water with plants in are the worst?  I mean FUCK don't make me go near anything like that ever.  PLEASE.  Another weird thing about me is the fact that I find it physically difficult to share food.  I mean, how odd is that?  Once again, those of you who know me that it is ABSOLUTELY impossible for me to be starved.  BUT.  I food guard.  Like a dog.  How bad is that?! And once again, my only explanation is that I must have been starved in a past life... Maybe I was a slave? Or mistreated?  It's odd, right?  Just wait for it...  I have this weird kinship with the World Wars.  For some reason, the history and the sacrifice always hits me hard.  I don't know why; maybe I'm just really empathetic, but somehow (in my mind) I have decided that I was involved in the war in some way.  I could have been a nurse or even joined the army in World War II.  For all I know, I could have been a man.  I literally have no clue.  Like usual.

Talking about gods.  I full on believe there must be different gods up there (wherever there is), that basically argue about which humans get which guardian angels and all of the angels are so confused which is why so many people get all mixed up and injured.  I also firmly believe that there must be some gods that like to have a little fun and say "their lives are going really well, let's just give them a parking ticket!!" but some gods like that everyone is doing so well so they're all "wow!! Honey, you work those mismatched clothes and shoes!! Turn that into the next fashion trend!!  No one will laugh at you today!!".

So.  Yes.  I have some weird ideas of religion.  I may be Christian, but that doesn't mean I wholly agree with all the views.  But that also doesn't mean that I'm a Christian in name only.  I have my own views and maybe sometimes I agree with atheism but it's made me who I am.  Does this make sense to the outside world?  No.  It does not.  But it makes sense in my head.  I may not be accurate.  I may even make things up half the time.  I could practically have my own religion (there is a Star Wars religion after all).  But it's me.  Deal with it.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here's a photo of Raffi in a toy box.

Wet Butts and Joint Pains...

Yo, llamas!!

So you're probably wondering what's up (the sky) with the title of this little post?  Well, let me explain....

The day started off like any other day, we headed to class and blah blah blah.  Our teacher (well,one of them) can't handle our class and he's basically being really out of order and all due credit to the guy for trying to teach (he seems like he has a form of social anxiety and stutters) but maybe we're not the best class for him to teach and he's not the best teacher for us to learn from.  He tries to be strict but is strict about the wrong things or at the wrong time....  My friend Ahmad (shoutout - wut wut) basically got in trouble for doing his work and ended up throwing a bit of a tantrum (sorry dude - I'm just saying what I heard).  The teacher is just not right for our class, so now we may be able to get a new teacher if we talk to the right people...

Anyway, lunch came (10:45 to be precise but who's checking (we have a two and half hour gap)) and we decided to go to the park because it was actually a relatively nice day.  However, this being England, there had been some rain before.  We were just hanging out (shoutout to Krupa, Shoyab, AJ, Pasha, Palwasha, Roshan and Nathan!!!!!) and I decided to sit on the middle of a group seesaw (teeter totter for the Americans) thing and I suddenly realised - wait for it - I had a wet butt BUT (ha butt but) it wasn't the whole of my butt, just the right cheek.  So yeah.  MY UNDERWEAR IS STILL WET.  And no one believed me, so guess what? They sat there and got wet butts too.  Then blamed me.  Yes definitely my fault.  Idiots.  Lovable idiots.  But idiots none the less.  I should point out that none of us would willingly sit in an obviously wet place.  We're not that bad.  ALTHOUGH, you have never laughed so much until you dare a boy to climb up a curved piece of wood that once held a basket swing (it's probably about 6 or 6 1/2 metres tall) with no foot or hand holds (*cough* PASHA *cough*) and the he asks someone else (*cough* Shoyab *cough*) to boost him AND THEN we get butts in faces... these are not the kind of guys who want peoples' butts in their faces which probably made it more hilarious for those of use who were there.  By the way, he couldn't do it.

So why the joint pains?  I have this auto immune disease (basically my immune system is shit) and the doctors call it an "unknown connective tissue disorder".  So basically, I have arthritis.  YAY NOT.  I have it all over, not just in a few joints or one,  I have it in every. single. joint. that. is. in. my. body.  Did you know that it can affect eye muscles too?  So now my eyesight is getting worse (slowly but I do have to wear glasses - there not that bad but I still have to wear 'em).  So now my joints hurt because I did some physical activity with my friends in the park.

Don't feel sorry for me.  Don't pity me.  I don't want it.  All I want, is that you become aware that some people have disabilities we can't see and be considerate of that.  Understand the limitations these can have.  Don't say that there's nothing wrong because you can't see it.  I'm grateful that my friends understand this about me.  Sometimes, I can't walk as fast, and they don't care.  Sometimes, I can't keep hanging out on a piece of playground equipment, and that's fine.  And sometimes, I can't get into college that day, and they'll take notes.

I won't let this get me down.  I can live with this.  I am living with this.  Yeah, sometimes my mood gets low, and sometimes my joints hurts (okay, all the time), and sometimes it means I can't do certain things (D of E).  But that's okay.  And so am I.

I guess I just wanted to say thanks guys for making my lunch AWESOME today!! I haven't just had fun like that in a really long time and it was great.  I will also grudgingly admit that AJ is kinda sorta okayish.  Just joking, I like you, don't worry!! :P

Thanks for reading.  It became heavier than I expected but it helped to get that our there, so, thanks.

Shenaya xx

P.S. SHOYAB, how are you and your bruised ego? (I have not put the events that lead to this question in this post)

BLEUGH (Kinda)

Hey there, internet llamas!!

So.  A friend of mine (HEY SHOYAB) keeps asking when my next blog will be up.  Here it is, oh and it contains swearing - sorry (not really but suck it).

I've been having an okayish week up until about 4 hours ago.  Guess what?!  My USB memory stick (that one's for you, Mr C) has STOPPED WORKING.  It is now empty and when we ran recovery software, it recovered some stuff from YEAR 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then the files I did need were CORRUPT JUST LIKE THE GOVERNMENT (that was a joke - I am not an anarchist (I promise)) but my files really are corrupt.

Anyway, I now have to spend (nonexistent) money to get all my files back because I AM AN IDIOT because those were pretty much the only copies of my files and I didn't back them up because I AM AN IDIOT.  I repeat.  I AM AN IDIOT.

So I'm just going to crawl into a corner and sob.  I mean, yes, that's melodramatic but I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE THE STUPID USB STICK HAS EVERYTHING ON THERE.  Including my CV.  So yeah.  Well done, Shenaya, you now can't even apply for a friggin' job.  My only problem (ha 'only') is that I can't figure out how the dang thing went all haywire-diddly-friggin'-fucked-up....  It was working fine yesterday, and this morning, then I looked at it this evening and BAM - fucked up.

OKAY. So.  Enough misery.  You llamas remember my last post about the photoshoot thing?  Well, I applied for an agency and I got an email on Thursday morning.  Thursday lunchtime came, and I get a phone call.  From the agency.  I mean,  give a girl some space, y'know?  Anyway, they invited me for interview THAT DAY.  And the eager idiot that I am, went.  Then, this morning, I decided to sign with them.  So, yeah.  I belong to an agency (the name's Bond.  James Bond.  Okay, so not that kind of agency but how cool would that be?!).

In other news, Raffi has GROWN.  And he's getting better with his training.  He's also found his bark.  I'm also kinda pissed with him, he's got this thing about biting and jumping up and EUGH.  I'm so tired, and so is mum.

Mum has managed to pull her achilles heel, so fun - NOT.  She's in a lot of pain but hopefully it'll get better soon (her achilles heel literally IS her achilles heel at the moment).

What else is happening in this disturbed llama's world?  Well.  Do you ever feel like you're the one that has to sort out everyone else's problems and its starting to become YOUR problem?  Like, it's wearing down on your psyche?  You're starting to feel like you can't solve all the world's problems?  Or even the problems going on in YOUR world?  Because, that's how I feel.  I love every single one of my friends.  And even if I say that people annoy me (because they generally do), that doesn't mean I want them to be miserable.  I WILL try to fix all their problems.  It's a real problem of mine.  Because I mentally can't do it.

I'm not trying to make any of my friends feel like a burden or like you can't come to me (because I know you lot - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BITCHES).  So.  No matter what, don't think I won't help.  It might just take me a little longer.  Because, unfortunately for all of us, I like you lot.

Anyway, that's the end of this post.  WOW.  I wasn't expecting annoyance, upset and happiness all in one post but it's me so.  Thanks for reading this rant/deep thought/update post.

Shenaya xx

P.S. I was thinking about doing some posts on baking because it's a passion of mine, what do the follower llamas think?

College, Confidence and Conversation.

Hey, llamas!!

I trust you're all doing well (If not, then at least ok)?  Anyone needs talk, just drop me a line and I'll get back to you as fast as possible!!

So, as you llamas know, I've been back at college.  Its driving me nuts.  They keep changing the timetable, and if we aren't having a change of times, its a change of rooms.  As a consequence, most of us are late to EVERY SINGLE LESSON.  This is seriously annoying because bad punctuality is one of the reasons we could get kicked out.  So.  Thanks.  THE MAN IS DRAGGING US DOWN.  I dunno.  Its possible.  AND.  We haven't really been set any work yet so we're all bored out of our minds, however, it has given me time to think about some things;

1) There's some drama going on between one of my friends and her friend who is also sort of my friend and we're all in the same class and I'm  not going to name names but now I'm caught in the middle when I was trying not to be and I have another friend who doesn't really know what's going on (neither do I, to be honest) and they're ready to give up on the friends and I am so confused and its giving all of us headaches.  So, yeah.  Take a deep breath llamas - I had to.

2) CONFIDENCE.  I can really struggle with this.  And I know I'm not the only one out there.  But here's a little story that may or may not help.  My confidence isn't the worst in the world and its not the best, so this was a big deal for me.

You know when you scroll through Facebook and you get the random suggested pages?  Or someone puts up a photo that's professionally done?  And it prompts your curiosity to have a quick look and maybe, just maybe, have the courage to book something?  Well, that's basically what happened.  I'd come across this photoshoot thing - invite only - that you have to apply for with a photo.  I'm one of those people that has to have the right lighting, the right make up and pretty much the right photographer to actually look good in photos.  So, anyway, my friend (Darshana) had taken this awesome selfie with me, and I decided to send it in.

Imagine my surprise when I get a call from a random lady asking if I was the one with the blue hair.

I'd decided I was going to do the free track and had gone for a photoshoot (yesterday).  I thought the worst that could happen was that I'd look awful and modelling wasn't for me, BUT, I really enjoyed myself and it really made me feel beautiful.  I had hair and make up done, I had changes of clothes and the photographer was getting me a little out of my comfort zone in the aspect of poses.  I was having fun.  And I came out of it feeling confident in my body for the first time in a long time.

And this confidence carried on as I found that I had the potential to model if I could get signed with an agency.  So that's what I'm doing now.  I have a portfolio!!! And I could be a model!!!!

In other news, I've been having some deep, meaningful chats with a few of my friends lately and I'm grateful that they feel like I can listen and give advice etc. but it really makes you think. My brain HURTS.  Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I will never turn them away if they need my help or need to talk, but wow I didn't realise what a strain on my mind it had.

Anyway, that's all from me.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Shoutout to Shoyab for telling me that I could pose and that I could be a model (LUSM <3)

Here are some of my favourite photos.  By the way, THESE ARE COPYRIGHTED.