Feeling My (Plus) Size

'Sup, llamas!!

Now, I know I said that I wasn't sure when I would next have time to blog, BUT, I have a little pet peeve/ discriminatory action/ body shaming incident that has really got me riled up.

THE SIZE OF JEWELLERY.

Now, some of you might be going "huh?" and some of you might be going "PREACH", and maybe the rest of you just don't care.  However, I do care.  Very much.

I've never admitted to being a small girl - I like my food too much and my exercise is all but non-existent (although, I did carry a very heavy mirror through Ikea and the car park to put in the car (can anyone say #GOALS)), but I wouldn't ever say that I was larger than the average person.  I mean, sure, sometimes I have to look at the plus size clothing lines, but I never figured myself as outside the "one size fits all category", after all, that's the purpose of those products - to fit all.

So, my very loving mum (who is compensating for my nerves about moving into uni in a week by buying me food and clothes) bought me some chokers (minds out of the gutter, llamas - I'm talking about the necklaces) from an everyday, high street brand known as New Look, and like every 90's kid (only 90's kids will remember what a choker is), I got a little giddy.  I mean.  Seriously.  It's how you look grungy yet mainstream at the same time.  BUT.  Imagine my surprise, that out of five chokers, only one actually fit (barely) without choking me (I know, I know dads, it's called a choker for a reason - har har).  Like I said before, I don't consider myself to be particularly big, I'm just chunky (yet fucking funky) and I wouldn't say my neck is one of my fattest (I use that word with a lot of reluctance - I don't like labelling things as fat) parts so when you barely get a "one size" choker onto the last link, you start feeling fucking awful; apparently you aren't considered part of the "all" because you don't fit into the big corporations' idea of standard size.  AND because I was feeling shitty and was still pretty fucking pissed at myself (how messed up is that?), I decided that if the world was gonna label my slightly chubby neck as plus size, then I was very well going to have a look for bigger jewellery.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT.  Places like Asos (which are actually pretty awesome for inclusion of sizes) have a PLUS SIZE JEWELLERY RANGE.  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Yeah, so I don't fit normal jewellery, let me look for PLUS SIZE.  Are you fucking serious?  So because I might be taller or slightly rounder - or even, maybe, it's out of my control and it's just that my bone is fatter than those skinny ass models, I know have to label myself as plus size.  HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF?  If something is going to be inclusive of everyone, then you better fucking make it inclusive for everyone.  If you're what they term as "normal" then why would it bother you to have a few extra links on your necklace so that people like me can wear the same shit you do, so that the "one size" actually fits me, so that I get to be "normal", so that I don't have to settle?  ANSWER ME THAT YOU JANK ASS CORPORATIONS.

Now, I gotta say, there is nothing wrong with being plus size, or different, or skinny, or whatever.  I just want to know why, not only, is jewellery termed as plus size, but why does the "one size fits all" category not include me?

I only just came to terms with wearing clothes that were more fitted, that it didn't matter if you could see my stomach, that it was okay to have a little pouch and some back fat and a wobble in my thighs and butt, because I was happy and I didn't need to compare myself to everyone else.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still as self conscious as ever - it's not like you can just switch of that part of you, I just don't care about certain things anymore.  But, all of sudden it's like I can't feel that confident, because I thought my neck was one of my thin bits - and if that doesn't fit into normal stuff, why am I trying to be confident in normal sized clothes?  I know someone out there will say "well, why don't you lose weight?" and my answer to that is "I shouldn't HAVE to lose weight for anyone but me.  I shouldn't have to lose weight because society deemed I was too big, I should lose weight because I want to, because it makes me feel good - and right now, I don't want to lose weight, I don't want to have to change for somebody else's standards, I just want to sit in one place and eat a dozen original glazed Krispy Kremes.  I just want clothes, and shoes, and jewellery in ANY size to be fashionable and EASILY ACCESSIBLE and to BE STANDARD".

AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE APPROPRIATENESS OF CALLING JEWELLERY PLUS SIZED.  How dare you?  You have no right to say that.  Because it's harsh and can make people feel like shit.  It hurts.  Jewellery shouldn't be plus sized.  So, HOW DARE YOU?

Now, I'd like to say I rose above it all and didn't even look at the plus size jewellery, but, I caved and bought a couple of "plus sized" chokers.  I'm sorry.

I think that I may now have finally got it out of my system and I thank you for going through that with me.  Just remember: whatever size you are, you are beautiful, you are a unicorn goddess/ god and you SLAY.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Raffi moulted everywhere and then went to the groomers and came back half the size.

P.P.S.  I was eating chicken, got mad at the chokers, snorted, and the chicken went down the wrong way and it kinda feels like it's lodged at the back of my nasal passage.  Yup, line up boys, I'm available.

Frickety Frack Oh Crap...!!

Hola, llamas!!

Long time, no speak.  I'm sorry about that - not that these blog posts really improve your life or whatever, so not that big of a deal.  But.  I've been extremely busy and stressed and I GOT INTO UNIVERSITY BITCHES!!!!!!!

That statement there, explains why I haven't really written anything in a while.  I've just had so much random stuff going on and I've had to start sorting things out for uni.

NOT TO MENTION MY DICKISH NEIGHBOURS.

First, things first: UNI

I got into uni.  After all the troubles that I've had - the ones I've written about on here, and the ones that some of you may have lived through with me; I spent the better part of two months in bed during my last year of GCSEs.  I've had quite a few brushes (more than brushes!!) with depression, severe anxiety, stress and whole slew of other problems and random illnesses, so ME + UNI = UNLIKELY; now it's almost like a weight has been lifted.  Like I finally got to where I wanted to be.  I actually made it.  And that's a seriously big deal for me.  I'm a year behind most of my friends.  I'm not really doing a traditional course.  I'm living away from home for the first time.  But I'm doing well.  I'm hopeful.

So, llamas, this weirdo is going to be at University College Birmingham studying Baking and Patisserie Technology.

Now, I'm trying to find all the things I need for uni, and I tend to obsess - I'm driving my mum mad BUT she's indulging me be because she knows what this means to me, and I love her more for it.  I also think I might have too much stuff for my little studio (which is bloody expensive).  The extra stuff in the house is apparently too much for my grandma because all she's doing is complaining about it all, but, I'm only going to be around for two more weeks and then I'm gone!!!!!!  I'll deal.

I'm also trying to sort out all my last minute student finance and I qualify to apply for the Disabled Student Allowance (DSA).  This basically helps with specialised equipment that is supposed to make my life easier and basically help me miss as little uni as possible.  And OH MY GOD.  Mum and I went into the Needs Assessment (basically an assessment to look at what you'd need and what they can offer (a report is written and sent for approval)) thinking we might just get a laptop and dictaphone to help with my dyslexia.  BUT THEY WERE SO HELPFUL.  So, now I'm waiting for approval for that.  Also, my maintenance loan doesn't come in until after my rent is due so I have to figure that out.  So all-in-all I'm probably as stressed as I usually am about life, but I feel better because it's not just random background stress.  My stress has a purpose.  It has goals.  It has a future.  It's going to get into university, find a man and be happy.

Okay, now THE EXPLANATION OF THE DICKISH NEIGHBOURS.  Starring Raffi, Mum, Grandma and Me.  Coming to cinemas near you.

We got new neighbours about a month ago and everything was fine, but about a week ago (heeyyyyy) they decided to burn some shit up (yeah, I'm tryna be cool and it ain't workin' one bit) in their back garden, about a foot away from our fence.  We were all a bit freaked out because there was so much smoke - like we were debating whether to call the fire department, and well, Raffi doesn't like smoke and fire to begin with - he's a long haired dog, of course, he doesn't like fire.  But he completely freaked out.  He's technically not allowed upstairs and we keep the doors closed so he can't get up - one of them is a sliding door with no catch but we have a baby gate as well.  He got over the baby gate, through the door and upstairs.  Then decided he was never coming down ever again.

He's been like that most of the week, and he won't go back into our garden unless someone is with him.  Oh, and did I mention that my neighbours did that two days in a row and tried to smoke us out of our own home.

It's not illegal to have a bonfire in your back garden - at least not under our council laws - but COME ON PEOPLE - FIRE SAFETY.  Not to mention that you're supposed to take into account how the bonfire would affect neighbours.  And seriously, it's way too close to our fence, like, fair enough you want it out of your way, but don't try to set fire to our property.

If you hadn't guessed, I'm kinda pissed off - I mean COMMON SENSE.

We've decided, if they do it again, we're gonna call the fire department as concerned citizens - lots of smoke coming from a back garden, fire.... we can only assume that there's an out of control fire and we fear for our and our neighbours safety.  You know, concerned citizens *wink wink*.

I suppose those are the major things going on at the moment.  So I now have nothing to say.  Except for, I'm not sure when I'll next get time to blog.  Maybe I'll give you a hard hitting expose on Freshers life (oh who am I kidding - I'll probably give you a list of alcohols not to mix).

Shenaya xx