3 Months Later...

Hey, llamas!!

Been a long time, huh guys?  I'm really sorry about that.  Life has gotten hectic and things keep getting in the way and I'm just a crappy blogger.  I mean, I guess I just had so much and so little to tell you.  Would you even be interested?

I guess I could tell you that I've come out of my shell a little bit more, not much, but a little.  I'm finding it easier to fit in and talk to people at uni.  I'm becoming more comfortable.  That's good, right?  My ugly little anxiety monsters still rear their tiny smush faces, but they don't affect me as much, at least in this regard.  We're all starting to find our groove and settle into ourselves a little more, and it feels good.  Friends-wise I'm feeling good.

Uni is kicking my butt.  The work is killing me slowly and agonisingly.  It's taking pleasure in my brain's harrowing screams.  But I'm getting there.  I will get there.  I can't afford not to get there.  Although, there's definitely been a part of me that wondered if all of it is really worth it? If all the work and stress and pain is worth it?


On a happier note...

I'M LOVING BREAD.  Yes, you heard (read?) me right.  I'm actually really enjoying bread.  Artisan bread.  My one joy.  BUT (because life hates me) it'll be over with the end of this semester (tomorrow).  HOWEVER.... I GOT A 2:1 IN MY PRACTICAL BECAUSE YES MOFOS.  Can you tell I'm happy?  I wasn't expecting to do well.  My brioche hates me and I kept trying to kill my focaccia but ya know.. LOOK AT ME NOW *cue music*.

Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten through this semester without my mum (because you all know how big of a momma's boy (read: girl) I am), and I mean this seriously, she went above and beyond to support me, she visited me at least twice a month - a 6 hour round trip on the weekends and at rush hours.  She let me go home when I needed to and truly helped me when things got rough.  ALTHOUGH, I have to give a huge shout out to Iman (you guys remember her, right?) (on a separate note - she has a boy lure (she got me free fries)), Michaela (who's awesome sauce btw (not only because she sees my mistakes before I make them)) and Agatha (read: Ags) (who is this amazing precious angel? (With a boyfriend just as precious - shout out to Rob even though he probably will never see this) (seriously they are almost nauseatingly cute together)), because when it comes down to it, these are the people that actually got me out of my room this semester. So, thanks.

Iman, I mentioned the lure.  Happy? *dissolves into peels of laughter*

So.  I think I've said all that I can and am able to.  But before I go, I must say that the likelihood I'll write again before Christmas or New Year is slim.  So...

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Oh, and before I forget, Michaela and I are setting up a MARVEL society, so if anyone from UCB actually reads this, it's £5 membership fee and can be joined and paid on the Guild website :D:D:D:D

Shenaya xx

P.S.  Here's something for a little Christmas spirit

All On My Lonesome

Hi, llamas!!

So, end of week 2? 3? I'm kind of losing track of time now...

My induction week basically turned out to be the beginning of lectures and lessons, so in the last week, I've tempered chocolate (badly) and I've made a load of bread. For those of you that don't know what tempering is, it's basically bring chocolate up to a temperature then cooling it down to another temperature, and then bringing it back up to ANOTHER temperature. This is in order to make it shiny and crystalise the proteins in the chocolate when it sets. If you ever see streaky chocolate, it hasn't been tempered. Or at least, tempered correctly.

Now, other things that have happened over the last week:

1) IMAN HAS ARRIVED IN BIRMINGHAM

2) People may have moved in next door to me - FINALLY

3) I'm so tired, I've become a bit of a hermit

On the subject of new people and hermits and even Iman actually... It's freshers week for everyone else and OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO LOUD and yes, I'm aware that I sound like a grumpy old man. Anyway, Iman is helping with this year's freshers for Aston so she's super busy and any friends of mine are busy, so that leaves me with my own company. I hate to say it, but I've just been marathoning movies in my room. I'm also aware that it sounds extremely sad considering technically I'm a fresher.  It's also probably the reason that I haven't met any of my neighbours yet. But it's now the end of my freshers and I only went out twice.  I just wasn't that interested.

I'm also getting extremely used to being on my own and have just mastered eating in a restaurant by myself.  I'm literally writing this as I pay for my bill.  I've found that I'm okay on my own and in my own company for periods of time.  The rest of the time I'm just needy.

So, you're probably wondering what I'm doing in a restaurant when I'm a student.  My answer to that would be that I had to go into The Bullring Shopping Centre to fill a prescription and I had to wait ages so I figured I may as well get lunch.

I've discovered that you can get so immersed in people watching that you don't realise time is passing, like, I watched this older couple walk in and the woman was using a cane, the older gentleman was holding onto her and helped her take her jacket off, then helped her into her seat and then proceeded to tuck her in and drape her coat on the back of her chair.  I spent ages watching them.  I spent long enough watching them that the woman got up to use the toilet and her coat fell off the back of her chair, the gentleman got up, and picked her jacket up and re-draped it over her chair, then when she came back from the toilet he helped her back into her chair and tucked her in again.  And it wasn't one of the formal things, it was the kind of thing that they were so comfortable with because they'd ben doing it for years.  They were the actions of love and caring and it was so cute and awesome to watch.  It's the kind of thing I hope I have when I get to that age.

Anyway, there you have it folks, a short and sweet post for today.  I'll start blogging again when I get the chance!!

Shenaya xx

B'Ham

Hey, llamas!!

So, I'm writing my first blog post from Birmingham, England, the United Kingdom, Europe (I know, I know - Brexit, but that doesn't mean we aren't part of the continent), The World, The Milky Way, yada yada yada...

ANYWAY, story time my little fluffy friends.

MOVING IN DAY - 03/09/16

First of, this is before we even set off for Birmingham - we were packing the car up with all my shit and mum suddenly realised she couldn't find the base to my kettle, and since I was the one to unpack it the first time round, I was the one that all the questions were aimed at (picture my mum, grandma and myself getting increasingly confused and a little annoyed).  We then decided  that if we couldn't find the base, I'd just buy a new one.  My grandma decided that she was going to look inside the kettle for some reason and guess what she found - you guessed it - the kettle base.  We were extremely relieved.

Looking back at that makes it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal but at the time it was huge, and I wish that was the biggest problem we came across that day....

So, we finally got on the road (with Iman (coincidently she made me promise that this post was dedicated to her so I dedicate this post to the bestest westest, most supportive BFF ever)) and that was pretty much all the drama until we got to my accommodation - apart from the usual traffic.

2:00pm - stuck in a huge amount of traffic, I call to say we'll be there for 3pm instead of 2:30pm.
3:00pm - arrive at accommodation, get keys
3:10pm - get to room to have a look, wrinkle nose and gag, THE ROOM HAD NOT BEEN CLEANED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:20pm - cleaning crew starts cleaning
4:00pm - start to unload bags, walk into hallway, get high off bleach fumes and hear serious scrubbing
4:10pm - get back in car and wait
4:30pm - go back to check on bags that are still in the hallway and get high off bleach fumes for the 2nd time, still hear furious scrubbing, sit down by bags
5:00pm - still sitting by bags, have an ongoing high off bleach fumes, and boredom, stiffness and hunger start setting in
5:30pm - hear banging, cleaners come out of room, help us take my stuff into the room
5:45pm - start unpacking, realise the A/C doesn't work, the blind doesn't retract and the built in desk lamp needs an adaptor, log all maintenance and book slot for Monday to get it sorted
8:00pm - stop to order pizza, continue unpacking
8:45pm - pizza arrives
9:45pm - we've eaten and are resting
10:00pm - Iman leaves, continue to unpack
10:30pm - finished unpacking, mum and I fight over which side of the 3/4 size bed we're sleeping on
11:30pm - we finally get to sleep

SUNDAY - 04/09/16

8:30am - wake up, get ready, still slightly high off bleach fumes
10:00am - get breakfast/brunch at Costa across the road with Iman
12:30pm - sorting and organising things back in my room
2:30pm - mum and Iman drop me off to meet new people and head back to London
7:00pm - sit in pub waiting for pub quiz to start
9:30pm - our team comes in 3rd (shout out to Cheeky V and the poor, poor Team Artisan)
10:00pm - arrive back in my room
11:00pm -  decide to make grilled cheese because I was hungry, inadvertently wake mum up because I couldn't figure out how to use the hob
11:15pm - figure out how to use the hob, eat
1:30am - fall asleep

MONDAY - 05/09/16

8:00am - wake up, figure out how to use the shower, took too long
9:45am - make cup of tea and down it like I'm in a beer chugging contest, burn tongue
10:00am - wait for Uber, taxi driver doesn't know where he's going (???)
10:20am - get to UCB (5 minutes late for enrolment), run up four floors of stairs
10:28am (I'm a slow runner, OKAY?) - arrive out of breath into a crowded lecture room and apologise profusely
10:45am - filled in a form and back down the stairs for my ID
11:15am - walking around town and sitting down in Costa with a few new friends
1:00pm - back at my room and started to read
4:00pm - realise that maintenance haven't showed up (slot booked for 12-4)
5:30pm - still sitting on my bed reading, getting hungry, talked with Iman
6:30pm - wondering whether to have dinner, talking to mum
7:00pm - make pesto pasta with chicken (be proud - it's the best I've made in a long time)
7:30pm - eat, go back to reading
11:30pm - go to sleep

TODAY - 06/09/16

9:30am - wake up, realise it's my grandma's birthday
10:00am - talk to mum
10:45am - eat, drink tea slowly, read, a guy comes in to check my A/C says it should be running by tomorrow (my room is 24.7 degrees C, apparently)
11:45am - talk to reception about maintenance
12:00pm - maintenance sorts out my blind and desk lamp
12:30pm - start reading
1:00pm - decide to change scenery, find social space, realise I'm the only one using social space
1:10pm - make some phone calls
1:20pm - start writing blog post
1:50pm NOW - still writing blog post


And there you have it llamas, that was basically everything that has happened over the last few days.  BTW, THE DUDE BEFORE ME WAS DISGUSTING.  I felt for those cleaners.  Like, felt.  Just thinking about the state of my room makes me cringe, gag and try not to hurl.  BLEUGH.  It was a good solid couple of hours that the cleaners spent doing my room, I don't even want to know what that dude was doing.  Oh, and did I mention that he also left a bunch of stuff in the mailbox that I had to clean out?

Other than all this shit, I'm pretty excited to be here, although I'm kinda bored out of my mind because my uni starts earlier than others and I'm not staying in the same place as the other students, I'm staying with students from other unis.  Who haven't even arrived.  There's just a bunch of international students that don't really socialise and barely speak English so I'm probably better off in my own company at the moment.

Here's a little something to show how I feel.

Shenaya xx

P.S. 2:20pm - finished writing blog post, going to eat lunch

P.P.S. we also discovered that I have no phone service in my room and if you want to get in touch with me it has to be done through the Internet..

Feeling My (Plus) Size

'Sup, llamas!!

Now, I know I said that I wasn't sure when I would next have time to blog, BUT, I have a little pet peeve/ discriminatory action/ body shaming incident that has really got me riled up.

THE SIZE OF JEWELLERY.

Now, some of you might be going "huh?" and some of you might be going "PREACH", and maybe the rest of you just don't care.  However, I do care.  Very much.

I've never admitted to being a small girl - I like my food too much and my exercise is all but non-existent (although, I did carry a very heavy mirror through Ikea and the car park to put in the car (can anyone say #GOALS)), but I wouldn't ever say that I was larger than the average person.  I mean, sure, sometimes I have to look at the plus size clothing lines, but I never figured myself as outside the "one size fits all category", after all, that's the purpose of those products - to fit all.

So, my very loving mum (who is compensating for my nerves about moving into uni in a week by buying me food and clothes) bought me some chokers (minds out of the gutter, llamas - I'm talking about the necklaces) from an everyday, high street brand known as New Look, and like every 90's kid (only 90's kids will remember what a choker is), I got a little giddy.  I mean.  Seriously.  It's how you look grungy yet mainstream at the same time.  BUT.  Imagine my surprise, that out of five chokers, only one actually fit (barely) without choking me (I know, I know dads, it's called a choker for a reason - har har).  Like I said before, I don't consider myself to be particularly big, I'm just chunky (yet fucking funky) and I wouldn't say my neck is one of my fattest (I use that word with a lot of reluctance - I don't like labelling things as fat) parts so when you barely get a "one size" choker onto the last link, you start feeling fucking awful; apparently you aren't considered part of the "all" because you don't fit into the big corporations' idea of standard size.  AND because I was feeling shitty and was still pretty fucking pissed at myself (how messed up is that?), I decided that if the world was gonna label my slightly chubby neck as plus size, then I was very well going to have a look for bigger jewellery.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT.  Places like Asos (which are actually pretty awesome for inclusion of sizes) have a PLUS SIZE JEWELLERY RANGE.  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Yeah, so I don't fit normal jewellery, let me look for PLUS SIZE.  Are you fucking serious?  So because I might be taller or slightly rounder - or even, maybe, it's out of my control and it's just that my bone is fatter than those skinny ass models, I know have to label myself as plus size.  HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF?  If something is going to be inclusive of everyone, then you better fucking make it inclusive for everyone.  If you're what they term as "normal" then why would it bother you to have a few extra links on your necklace so that people like me can wear the same shit you do, so that the "one size" actually fits me, so that I get to be "normal", so that I don't have to settle?  ANSWER ME THAT YOU JANK ASS CORPORATIONS.

Now, I gotta say, there is nothing wrong with being plus size, or different, or skinny, or whatever.  I just want to know why, not only, is jewellery termed as plus size, but why does the "one size fits all" category not include me?

I only just came to terms with wearing clothes that were more fitted, that it didn't matter if you could see my stomach, that it was okay to have a little pouch and some back fat and a wobble in my thighs and butt, because I was happy and I didn't need to compare myself to everyone else.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still as self conscious as ever - it's not like you can just switch of that part of you, I just don't care about certain things anymore.  But, all of sudden it's like I can't feel that confident, because I thought my neck was one of my thin bits - and if that doesn't fit into normal stuff, why am I trying to be confident in normal sized clothes?  I know someone out there will say "well, why don't you lose weight?" and my answer to that is "I shouldn't HAVE to lose weight for anyone but me.  I shouldn't have to lose weight because society deemed I was too big, I should lose weight because I want to, because it makes me feel good - and right now, I don't want to lose weight, I don't want to have to change for somebody else's standards, I just want to sit in one place and eat a dozen original glazed Krispy Kremes.  I just want clothes, and shoes, and jewellery in ANY size to be fashionable and EASILY ACCESSIBLE and to BE STANDARD".

AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE APPROPRIATENESS OF CALLING JEWELLERY PLUS SIZED.  How dare you?  You have no right to say that.  Because it's harsh and can make people feel like shit.  It hurts.  Jewellery shouldn't be plus sized.  So, HOW DARE YOU?

Now, I'd like to say I rose above it all and didn't even look at the plus size jewellery, but, I caved and bought a couple of "plus sized" chokers.  I'm sorry.

I think that I may now have finally got it out of my system and I thank you for going through that with me.  Just remember: whatever size you are, you are beautiful, you are a unicorn goddess/ god and you SLAY.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Raffi moulted everywhere and then went to the groomers and came back half the size.

P.P.S.  I was eating chicken, got mad at the chokers, snorted, and the chicken went down the wrong way and it kinda feels like it's lodged at the back of my nasal passage.  Yup, line up boys, I'm available.

Frickety Frack Oh Crap...!!

Hola, llamas!!

Long time, no speak.  I'm sorry about that - not that these blog posts really improve your life or whatever, so not that big of a deal.  But.  I've been extremely busy and stressed and I GOT INTO UNIVERSITY BITCHES!!!!!!!

That statement there, explains why I haven't really written anything in a while.  I've just had so much random stuff going on and I've had to start sorting things out for uni.

NOT TO MENTION MY DICKISH NEIGHBOURS.

First, things first: UNI

I got into uni.  After all the troubles that I've had - the ones I've written about on here, and the ones that some of you may have lived through with me; I spent the better part of two months in bed during my last year of GCSEs.  I've had quite a few brushes (more than brushes!!) with depression, severe anxiety, stress and whole slew of other problems and random illnesses, so ME + UNI = UNLIKELY; now it's almost like a weight has been lifted.  Like I finally got to where I wanted to be.  I actually made it.  And that's a seriously big deal for me.  I'm a year behind most of my friends.  I'm not really doing a traditional course.  I'm living away from home for the first time.  But I'm doing well.  I'm hopeful.

So, llamas, this weirdo is going to be at University College Birmingham studying Baking and Patisserie Technology.

Now, I'm trying to find all the things I need for uni, and I tend to obsess - I'm driving my mum mad BUT she's indulging me be because she knows what this means to me, and I love her more for it.  I also think I might have too much stuff for my little studio (which is bloody expensive).  The extra stuff in the house is apparently too much for my grandma because all she's doing is complaining about it all, but, I'm only going to be around for two more weeks and then I'm gone!!!!!!  I'll deal.

I'm also trying to sort out all my last minute student finance and I qualify to apply for the Disabled Student Allowance (DSA).  This basically helps with specialised equipment that is supposed to make my life easier and basically help me miss as little uni as possible.  And OH MY GOD.  Mum and I went into the Needs Assessment (basically an assessment to look at what you'd need and what they can offer (a report is written and sent for approval)) thinking we might just get a laptop and dictaphone to help with my dyslexia.  BUT THEY WERE SO HELPFUL.  So, now I'm waiting for approval for that.  Also, my maintenance loan doesn't come in until after my rent is due so I have to figure that out.  So all-in-all I'm probably as stressed as I usually am about life, but I feel better because it's not just random background stress.  My stress has a purpose.  It has goals.  It has a future.  It's going to get into university, find a man and be happy.

Okay, now THE EXPLANATION OF THE DICKISH NEIGHBOURS.  Starring Raffi, Mum, Grandma and Me.  Coming to cinemas near you.

We got new neighbours about a month ago and everything was fine, but about a week ago (heeyyyyy) they decided to burn some shit up (yeah, I'm tryna be cool and it ain't workin' one bit) in their back garden, about a foot away from our fence.  We were all a bit freaked out because there was so much smoke - like we were debating whether to call the fire department, and well, Raffi doesn't like smoke and fire to begin with - he's a long haired dog, of course, he doesn't like fire.  But he completely freaked out.  He's technically not allowed upstairs and we keep the doors closed so he can't get up - one of them is a sliding door with no catch but we have a baby gate as well.  He got over the baby gate, through the door and upstairs.  Then decided he was never coming down ever again.

He's been like that most of the week, and he won't go back into our garden unless someone is with him.  Oh, and did I mention that my neighbours did that two days in a row and tried to smoke us out of our own home.

It's not illegal to have a bonfire in your back garden - at least not under our council laws - but COME ON PEOPLE - FIRE SAFETY.  Not to mention that you're supposed to take into account how the bonfire would affect neighbours.  And seriously, it's way too close to our fence, like, fair enough you want it out of your way, but don't try to set fire to our property.

If you hadn't guessed, I'm kinda pissed off - I mean COMMON SENSE.

We've decided, if they do it again, we're gonna call the fire department as concerned citizens - lots of smoke coming from a back garden, fire.... we can only assume that there's an out of control fire and we fear for our and our neighbours safety.  You know, concerned citizens *wink wink*.

I suppose those are the major things going on at the moment.  So I now have nothing to say.  Except for, I'm not sure when I'll next get time to blog.  Maybe I'll give you a hard hitting expose on Freshers life (oh who am I kidding - I'll probably give you a list of alcohols not to mix).

Shenaya xx

Wet Wales Weekend

Hi, llamas!!

So, as you know, it's summer holidays here in the UK.  Just.  We're (mum and me and others (SHOUTOUT to the Lalani's (without Adam), Rahim, Nanima and the Knowers)) currently in Wales for a long weekend and it's wet.  Very wet.  HOWEVER, we are here with great people.

Getting to the cottage that we're staying in was a DEBACLE.  Like, seriously.  It's on a hill in the middle of a forest in Snowdonia National Park.  The property doesn't come up on SatNav and you have to use coordinates - as in longitude and latitude, and you have to use written instructions to actually get up the hill/mountain.  They are not clear.  It says keep left, AND THERE IS A SHEER DROP ON THE LEFT SO NO I WILL NOT KEEP TO THE LEFT.  So, the first car (with me navigating) got to the cottage easily enough, and there was one car behind us - they got lost for 45 minutes.  The last car wasn't seen for about three hours - and mum had to go and find them to bring them back.  That is an impressive feat when there's not really any phone signal or Internet around.  It was certainly interesting.

There's no phone reception and they have three routers for WiFi just so there's coverage throughout the house.

Now, bear in mind, when we go on road trips, mum and I are usually well organised - we were not.  We left late AND we managed to leave butter, cheese, garlic paste, garlic bread AND THE BROWNIES (:O :O OMG sacrilege) BEHIND.  AND we stopped in a supermarket carpark (Waitrose - it was an upscale carpark) and well, half of our car boot (trunk for you Americans) is reserved for the fuzzmonster that is Raffi, and the other half got packed full of food and stuff for the long weekend.  I opened the boot (apparently not carefully enough) and the pasta bake that was for dinner, fell out of the boot upside down onto the floor.  It was still edible.  And if it wasn't, we ate it anyway.

Our days have consisted of eating, talking, playing with a baby and a dog.  The weather has been gloom and wetness - SUN WHERE YOU AT BRO?!?!?!

Oh, and it's also been The Attack Of The Midges.  Mostly on me.  I am bitten and covered in bug repellent and citronella oil and dog spit and baby spit and clothes.  You don't want to see me naked.

Shenaya xx

P.S.  Haven't got any photos for you guys at the moment, and well, we haven't actually done much so there's not much to write home about.

P.P.S. There are enough giant axes, saws and tools for a serial killer/mass murderer/annoyed family member to kill everyone in this cottage and no one would ever find the bodies.  MWAHAHAHAHA.

P.P.P.S.  Don't worry, everyone's safe..... For now.

P.P.P.P.S.  I promise everyone IS safe.

Coming down from the high...

Hola, llamas!!

Now, this post is what I'd like to call an amalgamation of anything and everything that has been going on in my life lately.

The last you heard from me, I was ranting and raving about being yourself and not caring how old you are, but unfortunately, I didn't take my own advice and have been scared shitless about making new friends and moving into a new place, pretty much all on my own.  You guessed it.  I'm talking about university.  HOWEVER, my university emailed me about a Facebook group and I've been making friends!!  Sort of.  I mean in this day and age it's kinda how you make friends but I guess at the moment, they're Internet friends -  acquaintances.  So, yup, I HAVE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance*

Anyway, if I'm thinking about university, then that must mean one thing, and one thing only.  I MADE IT OUT OF STANMORE COLLEGE WITH THE GRADES I NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *confetti rains down upon me as fireworks go off in the background, somehow visible in daylight*  As you can tell, I am extremely happy that I have FINALLY left the hellhole that is the college that sucks the very life out of you.

Although, at the same time, it's almost like the end of an era.  I was there for 3 years.  Not willingly.  But I was there.  I did A Levels for a year and then switched to BTEC so I guess, I did make friends.  They just may not be friends that I talk to regularly or even keep in touch with.  And honestly, I'm okay with that because when it comes down to it, that place caused me more stress than anything else.

I like to sometimes think that my life is like a really good book.  It drew you in from the outset and even though there are a few chapters that don't really make sense and make you question the characters; the chapters just get better, the further and further into the book you get.  And at the end of the book, you've laughed, cried, fallen in love, broken down, had an epiphany, and let the magic of life draw you in, chew you up, spit you out, and remould you into something even more amazing than when the book first started.  So, Stanmore College was one of those questionable chapters, but that just means that the book gets better from here on out, right?

Ok, so enough philosophical, profound thoughts.  Yesterday, was Raffi's BIRTHDAY!!  So, naturally, I baked him cakes.  Peanut-honey cakes with bacon cream cheese frosting.  And honestly, I'm not entirely sure he liked them.... That, and I forgot to get him a party hat.  And mum wouldn't let me sing happy birthday to him and film it :( :( :(

Anyway, here are some pics:

The ones with brown bits, are the doggy cakes with dog biscuits on, and the others are human ones.  It's exactly the same recipe so the cakes are fit for both human and dog consumption.

I don't have any pictures of Raffi actually eating the cake because he's a stubborn bugger.

Now, we move onto more serious matters.  The EU Referendum.  It's absolutely everywhere in the UK.  And it's driving me insane.  I was one of those people who didn't vote.  And before you say jack shit, I didn't vote because I didn't have a strong enough opinion either way.  It's got nothing to do with "my vote won't count anyway", it was simply the fact that I don't think that I was given all the facts, and the facts that I was given, meant that there were benefits to both staying in and leaving the EU.  I, therefore, did not vote.  However, I would like to point out that those who voted leave on the basis that immigration and border control would be addressed, are absolute idiots (sorry! I mean that in the least offensive way possible).  Why are they idiots?  WELL, the UK's immigration laws are not fully governed by the EU and they are not the ones that have set our open border policy.  Therefore, by leaving the EU, the immigration laws are not going to be miraculously solved.  So.  WHAT EXACTLY HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED?!

****** I must state that, I, in no way follow politics closely or even claim to understand politics.  You'll be lucky if I watch the news.  So, on that note, please don't start debating with me and hurling abuse.

Here is a song that I think is rather accurate for the state of affairs in the UK right now.  It's The Final Countdown by Europe.

That's all from me!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. I know that my llamas in the USA are going through they're own political problems, what with the orange stale cheeto and shit, so don't think I've forgotten you!!  Hang in there, guys!!  The UK have their own very special ways of showing their dislike of Trump.  And if you're reading this, you big fucktrumpet, then just know that I think you're a giant, pustulating dick pimple. :D :D :D :D :D :D

Middle Age

Hola, llamas!!

So, considering I'm not anywhere near what you would term as "middle aged", what the fuck am I talking about, right?  Well, you see, mum is turning the big Five-O *cue Hawaii Five-O theme tune* (she's awesome like that) in a few days and she might not say it, but it's making her feel old.  That and I insist on making a big fuss about it and she hates being the centre of attention - classic "I'll make a big deal of everyone else but don't you dare make me feel like I'm taking all the attention on MY birthday".  She's practical like that.  AND.  A friend said that he was too old to go to ComicCon with me.  He's like 30.  Dude, that's not old.  And ComicCon is basically a bunch of nerds and geeks who don't even care how old you are as long as you're awesome.

However, I'd like to say that NONE OF YOU ARE OLD.  It doesn't matter about the numbers.  It matters that you feel good about yourself.  You being you.  You could be a 12 year old going for bingo nights, or a 95 year old raving in the clubs.  I don't care.  If you don't think about the number that you get labelled with, you could be as young as you wanted to be.  Who gives a damn about societal restraints? (Okay, you might need to abide by some laws and well, some things are just inappropriate and wrong but you get my gist) Life is what you make it, so don't get yourself down by thinking that once you hit a certain age, you're all of a sudden "middle aged", or that it makes you on the last half to the rest of your life or whatever, because no matter how old you are, you could get knocked down by a bus, mugged in a dark alley or just keel over from bad sushi... So who knows, we're kinda all in a perpetual "middle-aged-mid-life-crisis-I'm-gonna-die" kinda state.

Anyway, I'm here to say that no matter how old or young we are, we're constantly going through mid-life crisis.  Yeah, yeah, that sounds stupid.  But have you ever actually thought about it?  We're constantly freaking out, or "going off the rails", maybe I'm understanding this wrong but isn't a mid-life crisis when you get so stressed that it pushes you to do something else, or, you no longer care what anyone else thinks?  Or am I just confused? (SEE, mid-life crisis, right over here *big, neon, flashing arrows*)  Do we not do what you see the classic "mid-life crisis dads" doing?  But instead of a shiny new, red convertible sports car, it's a new phone case or pretty bag or new shoes in the form of "I'm just treating myself"?  So really, is life not just one big mid-life crisis?

Now that I've given you some mad ramblings to mull over, I'd like to leave you with this quote; which just so happens to be one of both mine and mum's favourites..

Shenaya xx

P.S. I promise I wasn't high when I wrote this.  Well... that's a lie, because I'm high, HIGH ON LIFE *baddum tss* 

Hoorah for Hamazing Hairdressers!!

Hey, llamas!!

So, I realise 'hamazing' isn't a word but I was going for alliteration.  If you remember reading my cautionary tale, this is the ending(?) of that tale.  I think.  Well, it's more of an update.

I spent nine days with my hair in some form of a plait, whether it be pigtails or a slicked back power pony.  I barely brushed it, I DEFINITELY didn't wash it and I slathered it in coconut oil (it cures cancer too!! (not really - please don't try that)).  And finally, after all this time (always (Harry Potter reference anyone)), I finally got it cut.

BEFORE (THE Hair Disaster - as it shall now be known):

AFTER (THE Hair Disaster):

AFTER (THE haircut from an amazing hairdresser):

Emily (my hairdresser) is AAAHHHHMMAAAAAZZZZZIIIINNNNNGGGGG.  She rights all wrongs.  She is my saviour.  I also have a bit of hero worship going on because she manages to do all sorts of miracles on my hair.  She's been our hairdresser for the better part of six years and she gets us.  That sounds cringy.  It's not.  I promise.  BUT.  She does always know what looks good on us, what kind of style we like, and what colours we prefer in our hair.  Like I said, she's awesome.  Well, I said she was amazing.  You get it.

Anyway, that's all from me!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. Please ignore my face in the first "after THE Hair Disaster" picture.
P.P.S. My hair is not naturally curly - it's dead straight.  Straighter than Donald Trump. (Damn ASSHOLE (to be read as A-S-S not A-R-S-E))

Random Thought #4

Hola, llamas!!

SO.  It's been a while since I last wrote a Random Thought, and I guess I decided it was time for another one.

I was rereading my very first posts on this blog - waaaaayyyyy back in August 2015 - and I realised that my writing style had not only changed, but, I could've sworn my posts have gotten even more boring.  I mean, I didn't think that was possible.

Anyway, I guess this is me trying to get back to the writing style I used when I first started.  That odd, kinda sarcastic, idiot way.

When I first started blogging, I did it for me.  A place that I could just vent.  And I don't know if it's that place anymore.  I mean, when was the last time that I just wrote anything personal on here?  Because to me, it feels like I haven't in a really long time.  Maybe it's because I've changed as a person (I'd like to think I've grown (not physically - I'm still a 5'3" short ass)) or maybe my circumstances have made me more wary of saying anything personal in the case that it gets used against me.  Or maybe the things I want to vent about can't be written on here because they're about some of my readers.  I don't know.  All I know is that this blog has changed from what it was to what it is now.  And I don't know if that's a good thing.

The thing about these random thoughts is that often, they're not really thought out and they're half formed, and don't really make sense to anyone.  Which means you guys get a half thought out, abrupt post, and I kinda just confuse myself.  Honestly, I had no idea where I was going with this post - like I used to say; I let my fingers lead me.  But, if there's one thing I've figured out, it's that I was always - and still am - choosing my words extremely carefully.  I never wanted to be that controversial person or have something come back to bite me in the butt with a future employer.  I never wanted to offend anyone.  And I guess to a certain extent, that's still true.

A lot of my views about life can contradict each other hugely, and I guess sometimes, that makes me a hypocrite but I'm a firm believer in outcomes.  Yup, you read that right.  Outcomes.  Sometimes, I like to believe that the fates and whatever god(s) you believe in are the one's that choose what happens in life, and sometimes, I believe in the butterfly effect - a butterfly's single flap of their wings can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world.  They contradict each other.  One is blind faith, and one is science.  Two methods for explaining something that I don't really think can be explained.  A rivalry as old as time; religion vs science.

I guess what I'm trying to say is what changed the outcome of this blog?  Was it the fates and God deciding that by using this place as a safe place to blog, I'd unwittingly changed some part of my future outcome?  Or was it one person across the globe who did something as innocent as wake up late, causing a series of events to happen?  What made my writing style and the things I write about, change? What caused my blog to go from being somewhere I could vent to somewhere that I just update you on my life?  Quite frankly, I don't know.

See, I keep saying that this blog was somewhere for me to vent, but I also wanted to make it this little ray of sunshine in a world that is getting increasingly dark, and I don't really think that I accomplished that either.  I mean, when was the last time I made you guys smile?  Or laugh out loud?

This post probably won't make you laugh, or probably won't even make you smile.  And if it does, you have a weird sense of humour - and that's coming from a 19 year old girl with a tween boy's sense of humour...

Shenaya xx

P.S.  Here's a pic of Raffi on a recent walk.

Big Bleach Blunder

Hey there, llamas!!

So, long time, no see (read? hear? talk?).  I'm super sorry that I haven't been keeping you updated on the trials and tribulations of my oh so boring life, but, I've been super busy - assignments due, dogs to be occupied, jobs to be found, sleep to be had....

BUT.  I NOW HAVE A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR YOU.

Okay.  Most of you have figured out or know that I dye my hair.  That's not to say I don't like my natural hair colour, I love it, but, I find that dying my hair is another form of self expression and art.  So, I colour my hair the most outrageous colours that it'll take - for those of you who don't dye your hair, your hair will only take certain colours well - others will damage it or you'll need a stronger peroxide which could damage your hair.

And if you have dark hair, you have to lighten it to get brighter colours into it.  Well.  That's where my cautionary tale starts...

Imagine a girl.  Black hair (mostly) with fade blues and greens on badly (thanks for that you stupid salon) bleached hair, she's mixed asian/oriental, about 5'3" and either looks super confused or super anxious.  Now, imagine this girl buying a home bleach kit because she wanted to get rid of that faded blue/green and put in another colour, her mother painstakingly separating out her hair and putting the bleach in for her.  They follow all the instructions.  And the girl's hair starts to get burning hot with the reaction, but, neither the mother nor the girl had ever home bleached their hair and just thought that's what was supposed to happen.  So, when the minimum time had gone by, the girl raced up the stairs to wash off all the bleach in the shower, and to her surprise she had extremely pale hair....

She washed her hair and tugged her hands through it, only to discover that it had bleached so much that it was breaking and falling apart in her hands!!  So, the girl carefully finished washing it, and put a whole tube of rejuvenating conditioner into it with the help of her mother.  She then sat writing a blog with her poor hair wrapped in cling film and conditioner, trying not to cry about the hair she loved so much.

So, llamas.  If you're going to bleach your hair, either get someone who knows what they're doing to do it for you at home, or, get a QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL to do it.  Please.  I beg of you.  My poor hair begs you.  My heart begs you.

If you love your hair as much as I love mine, you might know the feeling of your heart breaking slightly.  Especially, if I can't strengthen my hair.  I'll have to chop it all off and its nearly down to my butt.

I'd love to hear any of your hair disasters because, ya know, misery loves company and all that shit.

Anyway, that's all from me.

Shenaya xx

P.S.  This was something that happened to my hair, I'm not saying boycott the product or don't do it.  I'm just saying please take precautions and be careful.

Happy Easter!!

Hey, llamas!!

So, let me start off my saying, HAPPY EASTER!!! Hope you get all the chocolate you want and understand the religious connotations behind this holiday.

How's everyone been? I've been feeling better than the last time you heard from me. Still kinda feeling like a poltergeist but feeling better. I guess I'm just feeling better in myself.

Anyway, it's FINALLY Easter holidays and I still have ridiculous amounts of work to do. We all do. It's stupid because it's not even our fault we have work, it's not like we haven't handed it in or done it, it's because the college's system messed up and failed so our work went missing. Like, jeez, thanks. So, because of this mishap, we now have to go in for 3 days of our holidays to redo the work. Is this fair? No. Is this the way the world works? Big fucking yup. Life really sucks sometimes.

On the plus side, we get Raffi back tomorrow. I missed him. A lot more than I thought I would.  Hopefully, he'll be better trained and we can control him....

So. Now for the big news. I JOINED A GYM. I know righ?! Me. Joining a gym. I actually enjoy it, and it's got me motivated - maybe because I'm paying for a membership and I WILL get use out of it, even if it kills me. Which it probably will.  I had no idea how unfit I was.  But, I mean, I hadn't done exercise in so long that I had to get new trainers because the ones I had were too small....

Okay, so, as always, life keeps getting in the way, and as much as I'd like to think that I could just blog for a living - it's not realistic and I have to get through this year and into uni.  So, you might not hear from me for a while and I'm sorry to say that because I truly enjoy writing on here BUT I will try my best to keep you all updated on my not-so-exciting life.

Anyway, thanks for reading!! And if you want a particular topic written about - let me know!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. I do try to stay away from heavier topics but the bombings in Brussels are not far from my mind - don't think that I don't care.

Poltergeist

Hey, llamas!!

So, my last post was MANIC PANIC and I'm here to state that you shouldn't put too much of that Rockabilly Blue hair dye in, because it turned my hands, my pillow case and my towel blue for two weeks straight. That's not to say it isn't good and I'm loving the colour - even the washed out colour is awesome - just be careful about the amounts used....

Anyway, how are you? Like, are you well? How's your physical and mental state? Mine's odd - both mental and physical...

So, you guys probably know by now that I'm not the best person to ever advocate healthy living - I usually hold people that can do healthy living somewhere between jealousy/respect and absolute contempt. I'm always more likely to go for the unhealthy option than the healthy one. Keeping that in mind, I've got friends that are really into the whole healthy living lifestyle and one has started a blog so check it out here.

Okay, so what's up with the title of this post? Well.  I'm sorta feeling like I'm not really me anymore, just a ghost, tied to a place and not really being able to do anything, just haunt those around me. That sounds depressing. I didn't mean for it to be depressing. I just meant that I'm not really going anywhere or doing anything. Just work, work, work, work, work *cue Rihanna* - actually, I hate that song... Well, I like the beat but not much else, it tends to give me a headache. But, anyway, that's pretty much all that's going on with my life at the moment. Just working. I'm stuck at college - which EVERYONE, and I do mean everyone, is sick of. Oh, and my internet stopped working, I was ill, and now I'm behind on everything. AGAIN.

I was talking to Krupa today, and we started talking about how we would be when we FINALLY get to uni. We came to the conclusion that both of us would be better off. That's not to say that we're not being encouraged or that we're being put down or anything, but we just feel like we'd be happier as such. Almost like a weight would be lifted. Neither of us are staying at home, and we thought that we might be better off on our own. It's hard to put into words, but almost as if we'll be more motivated to live our OWN way and dare I say it - I think I would be healthier - once again, I don't think I can really explain it because so many people go to uni and aren't healthy or whatever - they're less motivated. I just can't explain it.  I think our mental health will be better once we get away from the college, if not home as there is the whole stigma that we are still high school students because we haven't got out of sixth form yet. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my family, and all my friends that are still at home, I WILL miss them. I just think that it's time for the next haunting place in my afterlife (see what I did there? Poltergeist - ghost - death. HA. DEAD. You know, because I was laughing so much...? I crack myself up - it's sad I know).

Mum and I did actually get matching TATTOOS, which I love because it just embodies us. My mum calls me BunnyBear because apparently, I once decided to find out what two different species of animals would have as a child. This was my most successful, I'm guessing. Anyway, the tattoos are a cartoon bear wearing a bunny tail and ears, and holding a balloon whisk - with a pissed off expression - OF COURSE. Mum's tattoo has more of the quintessential "mum look" that every mother seems to possess. You know, the one that kinda says "I'm not sure whether I raised an idiot, or I'm just sort of disappointed? Or maybe I'm just angry with you?". Here's the photo of both of ours - see if you can work out which one is which:

Oh, and I had my hate-fest for Valentine's Day - BLEUGH. Yeah, yeah, I'm 19 years old and shouldn't be this bitter... but I am... and I can't help it - it's like a reflex. So, I got through that scarring day.

Raffi is going to have to go on a residential trip for training because he doesn't listen to us anymore. It's gotten pretty bad. He's 8 months old and 26kg - three women, all with some sort of joint problem can no longer train him, so he's going on a holiday. For three weeks. To learn how to behave. Hopefully. It's a source of tension at the moment.

He's standing on me.

Anyway, that's all that's happened in the past month. Oh, and HAPPY PUNCH A RABBIT DAY!!!*

Shenaya xx

*That rhyme you say on the first of the month - "pinch, punch, the first day of the month" - well, to stop someone pinching and then punching you, you say "white rabbit", and imagine a 4 year old me, in Reception (Kindergarten) and the teacher asks what day it is, now every other child says the day or the date, and the confused, idiot that I am, shouts out "It's Punch A Rabbit Day!!". Needless to say, there was a meeting with my mum.

MANIC PANIC Review

Hola, llamas!!

I know I said I wouldn't be back for a while but I had a spare minute and felt like blogging.

So.  I'm doing a review on a hair dye that I've used very recently - and by 'recently', I mean that I've got it in my hair now.

What is this hair dye you ask?  Well, the brand is called Manic Panic and this link is the UK website.  I've currently got their Amplified Rockabilly Blue in my hair and I'm not just obsessed with the hair dyes.  I've been doing lots of research - you know how much I love my hair - and the whole business fascinates me.

Manic Panic was the first punk store to open in the WHOLE of the USA.  That's a big deal.  And the women who opened it were backups for Blondie in her original lineup.  So.  BOOM.  These guys are legit.

On to the product.  This hair colour is AMAZING.  It's currently on my paler blondey-green bits and the colour is so vivid and so bright - it's absolutely gorgeous.  I have found that if you want it on darker brown hair that you may need to leave it on longer than the recommended time (30 minutes).  I would suggest pre-lightening your hair to as blonde as possible - DON'T DAMAGE YOUR HAIR - and leaving it on longer than the recommended time.  The hair dye is as natural as possible and vegan and won't damage your hair if you leave it on for ages.  I left mine on overnight to get my colour.  Also, this product isn't tested on animals or whatever - it's tested on celebrities.  Rihanna.  Nicki Minaj.  Holly Hagan.  And many more.  So.  If you liked any of their hair colours, I'd say check out this range - they may have it.

This hair dye is relatively cheap but awesome quality and the Amplified range will last about 6-8 weeks and the normal range will last 4-6 weeks (or so I'm told).  I bought two bottles of hair colour and to just colour my blondey-green bits, I used one bottle.  Check the weight/quantity of the hair dye because I would not want to be caught with only half a head of colour when I realise I've run out.  The Amplified range are 118ml per bottle.

Please, please read all the instructions and warnings and don't go half cocked into doing this.  I regularly colour my hair so wasn't overly worried but you never know if you'll have an allergic reaction or if their will be a problem with applying it or whatever.  Do not follow just my instructions.  Follow the professionals advice.

Here's a picture of my hair:

Shenaya xx

I've been neglecting you...

Hey, llamas!!

So sorry that I haven't been blogging lately but I've been swamped with coursework.

Here's an update on life:

1) Remember that situation that I was saying was bad? Well, it actually resolved itself and I feel much better.  I guess I just needed to give it time.  Maybe I overreacted to the situation but it affected me, and that's alright.  Sometimes things affect you more than you think they will, and sometimes, you overreact.  You just need to let it pass.

2) I have waaaayyyyyy too much coursework.  It's ridiculous.  I have no idea what work needs to be done and what doesn't.  Yay.  I make life so easy for myself, don't I?  BUT.  On the plus side, I did actually manage to finish ONE piece of work.  Which is good, considering how big the assignment was.

What else has happened...?  All our teachers have been replaced.  And we have FIVE teachers (four subject and one tutor) but I only do ONE subject?!  I seriously don't need that many teachers.  And I'm sorta having trouble learning from them - well - at least one of them.

He just talks and talks and talks and talks.  He doesn't teach of the PowerPoints or off the board or whatever, he talks at you and goes on a tangent and then dictates sentences... AND I CAN'T LEARN LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's driving me nuts - what's the point of me sitting in lessons, zoning out, and then being expected to know everything?  I don't see how I can learn from a method that I can't concentrate on... and he is NO HELP WHATSOEVER.  I asked if he could give me any lesson notes that he uses or if he could give me the presentations from class (that he's supposed to use) and he kind of just looks at you blankly, then starts muttering.... And walks away.  But the thing is, he's a new teacher, he's just been hired, and I seem to be one of the few students that's actually having a problem.  But, I'm there to learn... and I actually WANT to be there.  So.  Should I not be able to learn?!

Our tutor is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, a fruit and nut cake without the fruit, and mad as a hatter.  She's new as well - and she has no idea what she's supposed to be doing.  She keeps asking us what she's supposed to do..... She's so ridiculous, we can't help but crack up at the most inopportune times... which just makes her angry - which is hilarious in it's own right....

At least the other teachers are alright... I mean, I actually MISS my old teachers and I had lots to complain about with them but the other three teachers are okay.

Anyway, don't expect to hear from me for a while.... And every time I say that, you see me about three days later... BUT I actually won't be back for a while.  I have too much work.

So goodbye *dramatic wave and longwinded death*

Shenaya xx

P.S.  I've said 'actually' seven times in this post (including this one - I specify because mum got smug and corrected me).  And it wasn't actually that long. *sigh* Eight.

2016 FTW

Happy New Year, llamas!!

So, I know my wishes are a little late but it's the thought that counts...

I've decided that this is the year. This is the year that I WILL get right. Does that count as a New Year's resolution?

Anyway, I'm leaving things behind me (or at least, trying to) - stress, upset, whatever it is.. If you'd asked me about this mindset yesterday, I would've said that you were delusional.

I was in a pretty bad place for the last couple of days. And while I usually share on this blog, this is something that I'm keeping to myself (and my counsellor) because it's a new situation.

But, I'm not going to lie, it got BAD.

So that's my reasoning - I'm not exactly one for clichéd Instagram captions... However I do have other resolutions: 

1) Stop hiding - I should be loved as who I am not what everyone wants or perceives me to be.

2) Improve my grades -it's a vital year for me, I need my target grades for uni because I will not throw away my standards for what I want to do in the future.

3) Lose weight - very typical, I know. But, this feels like the year that I'll actually accomplish something.

I probably have loads of more minor resolutions that I'm doing automatically anyway, but, these are the ones that I'm consciously trying to do.

Reading this post back seems like I'm being seriously selfish and I am. I'm not doing anything altruistic, which I guess seems pretty bad in light of recent events. However, I need to be selfish this year... Otherwise, I'll kill someone.

So, let me know your New Year's resolutions..

Shenaya xx