I'm BaaAAAAaaaacKKKKKKKK

'Sup, Zzamas!!

First of all, see what I did there? eh? eh? (In case you didn't get that - zombies + llama = zzamas) (it's bad, I know but it's nearly All Hallow's Eve, or for the common folk out there, HALLOWEEN BITCHES).

Anyway, hey there.  I'm back from my worldly travels to Oxfordshire, and if I do say so myself, I feel very well journeyed - I'm practically an expert at going to the furthest most places in the world (that was another joke if you didn't get the sarcasm - read my last post to understand :D).

It was great!! But you know those holidays that you come back from and feel like you need to sleep for a week?  It was one of those... ALTHOUGH, I did get to satisfy the history nerd in me.  There's an English Heritage site literally down the road from the hotel and OH MY GOD you can just feel the history seeping into your bones, it was an old manor house - I say 'was' because now it's just ruins.  Those of you that know me, have either gotten an excited, barely coherent jumble of words about some part of history that I'm interested in or if you haven't, you probably will get one soon.  So.  I shall stop talking, lest I bore you all to death with something that you've got to actually be there to experience.  Oh and if the whole dog friendly, history soaked place doesn't convince you, THERE ARE DONKEYS AT THE ENGLISH HERITAGE SITE and there's an awesome river - and I don't say that lightly if you recall the earlier post about my fears....

There's this little place a bit of a ways down the river with little stepping stones and TREE SWINGS.  Those were fun.  But most of the river is deep, murky and fast moving.  Apparently there are fish.  I wasn't going to get close enough to find out.  Anyway, I was so proud of myself. Why?  Because not only did I stand on the stepping stones, BUT I crossed TWO bridges.  I repeat. TWO BRIDGES.  That's a big deal for me.  So haters, go suck something rude (yeah, yeah, I know, I censored myself... I'm trying to cut down how much I swear or say crude/dirty things, okay fuckers?).

Here's some photos of the little bit that I so eloquently described:

And here are a few photos of the English Heritage site because I like to torture people with my jumbled enthusiastic history stuff:

OH!! And completely unrelated to my holiday, I AM FIVE DAYS AHEAD OF MY COURSEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means, that I am up to date with my work and have nothing to do for a while :D I am so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you couldn't tell.

Anyway,  I hope you zzamas are doing some fun shit for Halloween, because I am not.  I am running errands and then probably watching Netflix - no, I will not be watching anything scary.  So.  Do something fun for me, for I am living vicariously through you.  And, I am wearing a Halloween costume in my head - something pop culture-ish yet sexy.  So.  Yeah.  Have fun.  Don't die.  Okay, my concern ends there.

Happy Halloween and may the Grim Reaper give you his scythe to open envelopes.

Shenaya xx

P.S. Master gave Dobby a sock, Dobby is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (from work) (for now).

The Old Swan and Minster Mill

Hola, llamas!!

So mum and I went on a little break to Oxfordshire (it's literally an hour and a half away from home).  And WE TOOK THE DOG.  We're staying in a dog friendly hotel so that's pretty cool!!!

The dress code in the restaurant is smart casual so mum and I decided we were going to make doggy bow ties and tie bandanas round Raffi's neck.  So.  We did.  I am so proud of myself.  Imma sell them for £5 each if anyone is actually interested.. Hit me up (figuratively - please don't hit me the next time you see me).

Here's the three I've made:

And a photo of Raffi in a bandana:

Anyway, hotel. It's called The Old Swan and Minster Mill.  Here's a few facts:

1) Winston Churchill came here for his honeymoon.

2) The hotel sits on 65 acres of land.

3) It was built circa 1445.

4) The is barely any service/internet.

Don't worry if you don't hear from me!!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. Here's a few photos of Raffi on the bed.

And an awful one of all of us where you can pretty much only see my boobs in a bright red t-shirt *insert disgruntled look here* #bigboobproblems

I FUCKED UP. (kinda) NO, I DEFINITELY FUCKED UP.

Hey, llamas!

Guess who is the worst friend in the world?! In case you didn't get that, it's me.

So I snapped at a friend today.  Pretty badly.  And they stopped responding to me at all.  Sure, they may have other stuff to do today and they aren't ignoring me on purpose but that doesn't mean that I haven't been horrible and awful and a bitch.

It turns out, their whatsapp stopped working, and they're not angry with me or anything.  So.  THANK YOU GOD.  Because, I physically feel sick when I upset my friends.  I guess it doesn't help when I'm already stressed out and tired and meh.  I don't even have a conscious reason for being a bitch - my friends probably have theories.  Oh, and it's half term... so..? *insert shrugging face emoji* WHY AM I STRESSED?!

Anyway, I realised that I take all my friends for granted.  So.  To all of you reading this, whether you're my internet llamas, or my real life llamas that put up with all my shit.  Thank you.  Thank you for being my friend. For always being there.  For picking me up when I am down and if that doesn't work, lying down with me and keeping me company because everyone knows that misery loves company.  Thank you for being as crazy as me and for NOT being as crazy as me, and thank you for helping me push towards success, rather than letting me be complacent in myself and letting me coast through life.  So. THANK YOU.  Because you guys keep me from being locked up in a mental ward.

So, if you're reading this, even though I can be the worst friend in the world, thank you for forgiving me.  And thank you for understanding, even when I don't.  Love you (in a friend way *rolls eyes*).  Raffi loves you more than me though.

Well.  Llamas, it's been fun... It really hasn't because I still kinda feel like crying and I don't know why.... But thanks for reading.  Even if it doesn't make sense.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here are some photos that are all artsy and autumny (I am aware that is not a word).

Ok, so my laptop hasn't downloaded them from my phone... Once again, I THANK YOU APPLE, DAMMIT IF THIS WAS SAMSUNG....OR WINDOWS.... (I don't mean that my beautiful electronics - please don't take revenge).

Life Got In The Way.

Hey, llamas!

So sorry that I haven't been posting!!  Life kept getting in the way, and I've had crazy moods and eugh.

Anyway, what's up?  How's everybody doing?  I've been crazy busy with college and work and dog and friends and everything!!

On the plus side, I finished a seriously long assignment 3 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you that know my work habits, that's the earliest I have ever had a piece of work done.  And now I have three more assignments to do.  So.  You probably won't hear from me for at least 4 years.

I mean, why do we get to an age where they just  pile more and more and more work on us until we retire or die?  Is this the kind of society we live in?  That everyone just works until they die?  What happened to laissez les bon temps rouler?  (Google it if you have no idea what it means, or if you're one of the linguists in my life, work it out bitches!!)   Or even carpe diem?  BUT I guess c'est la vie!!  But can we not just 'live long and prosper'? (In life, not money (well maybe money)).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm tired.  I couldn't tell you why.  I can tell you what of, though.  Life.

Life.  You ever have those moods where it's not like you want to off yourself or anything...?  More like, I need to take a nap for a thousand years and not think about anything and live in my fantasy dream world where I am Peggy Carter and Captain America and I ACTUALLY get together, and Bucky stays that cocky jerk that you just can't help but love, and you just want to live with them and not deal with life?  Yeah, one of those moods.  I guess I'm just tired.  Very tired.

So more updates on my life:

1) Raffi won his competition at his last puppy socialisation class, and he got a Halloween bowtie and a certificate and a rosette!!!

He wouldn't sit still for me to take the photo if you're wondering why his head is blurry (it is NOT my photography skills).  This picture also features my mum's legs and one of Raffi's favourite toys, which I have just now decided to call Marvin.  Don't ask.  It just popped into my head.  So enjoy Raffi ft. Marvin and DJ MLegs.

2) I most definitely have to get tested for dyslexia.  Mum got me to do some weird yes/no question/answer thing.  She goes "yes' on your left hand and no's on your right", my immediate response to those instructions was "what.".  So.  That started off well.  Not.  It kinda just went downhill from there.

OH, and do you know what?  Just because somebody doesn't understand things as fast as you, or has difficulty saying things in the right order, or saying the right word or is slower to get a sentence out, or is generally having any trouble with words or writing or understanding the work, DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE RETARDED OR STUPID OR DUMB OR AN IDIOT.  Guilty, I have used those words when talking to my friends, but I have never not once, used it in conjunction with someone having difficulty.  And it really hit home when someone said to me that I was "such a retard" just because I couldn't get the right word out of my mouth.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!  I am FUCKING SMART.  I am HELLA AWESOME.  And do you know what else, I WILL be looking down on you when I become successful and you stay in your mediocre job because your personality will keep you there.  So.  Don't EVER think it is alright to accuse someone of being less than they are, to be a jerk and make someone else feel bad about themselves JUST because you don't think they're as 'smart' as you.  YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.  And they won't either, if people like you keep putting them down.

3) My hand eye coordination is abysmal (I nearly wrote abissmel and mum said it sounded like a terrorist cell name - oops.), anyway, a friend of mine stabbed me in the hand with a sharp pencil today (by accident) (I hope).  And as I was waving my hand around trying to get rid of the pain as demonstrated below, I hit myself in the face.

Yeah, sorry for the face.  And you will be pleased to know, I not only whacked myself in the face again but my mum was trying to work out why I was flapping my hand about in front of the laptop.  Anyway,  I have also fallen over a chair today, dropped hot tea on myself AND I nearly dislodged an interactive whiteboard from the wall with my butt when I went up to ask a teacher for help.  So.  Hand eye coordination AND spacial awareness have taken a holiday.

Thanks for reading guys!! And sorry about the mini rant!!

Shenaya xx

P.S. Mum I love you for supporting me even when I'm flapping at a webcam.

This Llama Is Growing Up

Yo, llamas!

First off, here's a proper photo of Shoyab for you feat. the little cutie that is his cousin, who I just want to squish.

So.  Blog title.  I went to visit a uni yesterday.  University College Birmingham.  No, it's not Birmingham University or University of Birmingham or Birmingham College or Aston or whatever.

I hadn't realised how much you have to think about when you look for universities.  I mean, there was the course (obviously), the accommodation, the location, the finance - how much is the course? How much is accommodation?  (How far away is the accommodation to the uni?)  What loans can I get?  What grants can I get?  AND how much support can I get from the uni?  What extracurriculars do they have?  Is this the atmosphere I think I can thrive in?  Can I definitely get the grades that are wanted?

It doesn't help when the course you want to do has lots of practical work and you have joint problems....  I want to do Bakery and Confectionary Technology... so, cake, bread and chocolate PLUS the food science-y bit and commercial baking as well as artisan and so much more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm quite excited if you hadn't realised...

Anyway, when you have joint problems, you can potentially get a disability grant, this means that I get extra money to help with transport and any specialist equipment I might need.

There is also a disability grant if you are dyslexic (mum thinks that I am).  This basically means that you have trouble with letters, numbers, left/right, and instructions and much more...  I might also be discalculic.  This is basically dyslexia for numbers.  AND dyspraxia ties into all of it (you can research this shit, because my head fucking hurts).  Anyway, I show the signs for these and they all tie into each other and it's getting worse so I need to get tested so that i can do my work to the best of my ability - this also allows me to have extra support in uni, such as, a scribe or extra time in exams or a dictaphone.

So. Lots of things to think about.

After the uni visit, I met up with my Muslim sister from another mister (and mother) and I really missed her.  REALLY.  But it's like we were never  apart.  SHOUTOUT TO IMAN FOR THE AMAZINGNESS OF HER PERSONALITY.  The smart whacko is studying at Aston University so it was nice to see her after more than a month.

When we got back to London this afternoon, we took Raffi for a walk.  We go to Rickmansworth Aquadrome and it's really nice BUT we walked a lot longer than we thought we would (lots of woodland paths, reservoirs, canals, lakes and rivers - remember when I said I was afraid of water?), anyway, they have this cafe called Cafe in the Park.  It's run by a former Jamie Oliver dude who worked at Fifteen (I think).  AND OHMIGOD IT IS SO GOOD.

Here's a photo of food we had the last time we went.

Anyway, Raffi decided to run a bit and I tripped, landed in a hole and have damaged my ankle, then he kept running and ran in front of me, so in order to not kill both of us, I put more pressure on my injured ankle, so now I am in serious pain.  Well done, Shenaya.

Now I sit here eating a bag of Hula Hoops and hiccuping while REFUSING TO STOP EATING.  Because this shows you how ready I am to adult.  I AM NOT READY TO ADULT.  LLAMAS.  I REPEAT.  I AM NOT READY TO ADULT.

So llamas, any tips for going through all the application processes for uni?  I'd greatly appreciate it.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here's a recent of Raffi.

That's me, by the way - I'm 5'3".

Little Bit A' Sunshine

Hiya, llamas!

So today's post....

I thought I'd keep it (try and keep it) upbeat!! So.  I have a couple of videos that are funny/weird/relate to me waaaaayyyyyy to much.

Firstly, I should mention that my mum calls me a T-Rex because I have short ass arms (no, you can't see the difference).  I'm still in proportion and everything... until I try to reach for something.  I have been known to get out of the car at particularly annoying ticket barriers to be able to reach.  I have also been known to fall off chairs, climb things and nearly light my boobs and my hair on fire to try and reach across tables, up to chairs and things that are on the surface next to me.  Short arms and laziness are not a good combination.

That is why this video speaks to me... although I will never be this fit.

Secondly, I am kinda a big Harry Potter fan... as in I own several wands, have robes, an account on Pottermore, own all the DVDs and books, have been on the studio tour at Christmas and have been to the theme park at Universal Studios in Orlando, and know the plot lines pretty much off by heart (movie and book).  So you could say I'm a big fan...  I probably have done/know more but I can't remember.  And DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNER IN THE GREAT HALL?!

So for the fellow witches and wizards out there, enjoy this.

One more video for you... because everyone relates to this at some point.

And finally a photo, because I will be a struggling local business owner soon.

Hope this made you smile, follower llamas!!

Shenaya xx

Tricky Situations..

Hey, llamas!

Life is a fickle bitch.

Ever have those days that from the get go, EVERYTHING is overwhelming? And it feels like someone is pushing down on the top of your head try to drown you in quick sand?  I'm sorta feeling like that.

It started this morning when I woke up late because I switched my alarm off (for the fourth day in a row).  I then proceeded to get every one of my daily routines wrong (I have to do it in a certain order - don't ask) and I burst out crying (quietly) in the back of the taxi that takes me to college.  By the time I got to college, I felt like crap and then proceeded to want to get the group work done (SHOYAB AND KRUPA) and of course, it was not done.  We then all realised we had work that had to be done for the afternoon and only had about half an hour for lunch.  We then had an afternoon lesson where the teacher kept asking to evaluate ourselves... ummm.... I'm lazy, unmotivated and have so many quirks that I could make at least a hundred men look like they're smirking.  So.  Fun. And, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ASK IF YOU'RE OKAY IF YOU'RE QUIETER THAN NORMAL?!  Quite seriously though, for those of you who read my blog, thank you for caring.  For making sure that I'm alright.  You have no idea how much that means to me, so.  Thank you.

I was relatively okay for most of the afternoon (apart from me feeling like crap) until I realised I had course work in for 8pm - I got it in with 14 minutes to spare!!  Woot woot!!!  AND THEN DRAMA HAPPENED (as always with me).  Two of my friends got in a fight (verbal) not too big of a deal except for the fact that one of them fluctuates moods and the other is a sensitive teddy bear on the inside.  They're both admitting it was a stupid argument but I can't work out if they're pissed off or upset or what.... so huh.

That's pretty much my day for you...

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE....

Not about my day but just some thoughts in general...

Remember when I used that coffee olive oil sugar scrub thing? Yeah, don't put it on your face... that photo I uploaded with the moustache made me red and bumpy and itchy.  So.  Bad idea.

You llamas seem to read everything about me and my whiny self.  Kinda like a confidante.  My mum is my other confidante, she knows pretty much everything about me.  And I do mean EVERYTHING.  She always helps.  I recently had a friend tell us that we were almost identical in our movements and mannerisms, so much so, that it scared her.  That's how close we are.

Now, I have a question for you.  Who is your confidante?  A family member? A friend?  Or do you have a therapist/counsellor/psychotherapist/psychologist? Because it's not anything to be ashamed of.  I had one, and look at me.  I'm fine.  Right, that's why i'm writing this blog..... because I'm fine. SuuuuUUUUUuuuurrrrreeeeeeee.

If you don't have a confidante, and you need one, drop me a line in the comments or, I don't know if you can see my email address anywhere on your screen, but you can email me there... and put "FOLLOWER LLAMA: PROBLEM" in the subject line.

Aaannnnndddddd I think I'm done not making sense today.

Shenaya xx

P.S. here's a few odd pictures for you!!

So this is Krupa, she doesn't like her torso being touched... and I hugged her.

This weird, sexy thing is Ahmad.  He's wearing a cape blanket thing... and lets us put mascara on him.  He puts up with so much shit from us.

And the sexy man in the background is ShoyShoy (Shoyab).  My computer hasn't uploaded any good photos of him (I'll upload it when it transfers from my phone to the computer)... CURSE YOU APPLE, WORK PROPERLY!!!!!

Feeling Helpless.... Random Thought #3

Hey there, llamas!

Bit of a depressing (reeeeaaalllllllyyyyyy bad pun if you read on) random thought today...

What do you do when a friend is feeling low, but they don't want your help?  And I don't mean a little upset... I mean full on low.  What do you do?  How can you help?

I don't often feel helpless, but when I do, I don't like it.  I try to rectify the feeling as much as possible, as quickly as possible.  But it doesn't seem to be happening this time.  Because this time, it involves someone else, a friend.  Not someone I can offend if I need to in order to forget the feeling of helplessness, not a complete stranger, but a friend.  So.  I repeat, what do you do when a friend is in a really dark place, but doesn't want your help?  Doesn't think they need it?  What do you do?  How can you help?

And on a more personal level, how can you help yourself?  How do you stop from sliding into that dark place with them?  How do you keep the big, jagged, black rock from growing and crushing you?  The huge, poisonous, black cloud from choking you?  Because I've been there, and I don't want to go back.  Ever.

So.  Once again, I repeat, what do you do?  How can you help?

This friend of mine doesn't want help.  But I'm worried.  They don't realise how much I understand.  They don't realise what it can do to them.  What that darkness can do if they let it get too far.  But they won't listen.  And it's up to them.  After all, how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

I just wish that they could understand.  But they don't.  And I know they're stubborn enough not to.

If you're reading this, I love you.  Thought you might need to hear that.

Shenaya xx